This would be hilarious if there weren't so much truth in it.
Noah Today
In the year 2019, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Oregon and
said:
"Once again, the earth has become evil and I see the end of all flesh
before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a
few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to
build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40
nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -
but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the
Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a Building Permit."
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler
system."
"My neighbors claim that I've violated the Neighborhood By-Laws by building
the Ark in my back garden and exceeding
the height limitations. We had to go to the Local Planning Committee for a
decision."
"Then the Local Council and the Electric Company demanded a boat load of
money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told
them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees
in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They
insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued
the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to
put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the
Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed
flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."
"Immigration are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to
work."
"The Trades Unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only
Union workers with ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the Internal Revenue Service seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish
this Ark."
"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy
the world?"
"No," said the Lord.
" The Government beat me to it."
