The suggestion to bow is not a necessity. Our isn't a formula for
success. These things restore love and order only and I repeat only if
bowing strengthens the field.
Neither of their parents are sources of strength so first I would invite in
a resource or ancestor whose sphere of influence she could stand in,
getting her or of her parents spheres. Safety first.
Do what strengthens the field and the client, not just blindly doing what
the book says. They are suggestions not hard rules. Much of this work is
intuitive and requires is to wait and listen to what is needed. Also as
facilitator use your intention to ASK for guidance or resource or the next
step then be willing to wait and see what is needed. Don't force it.
Good luck.
Triya
On Mar 20, 2014 1:54 AM, "Robert Grant" <erebees@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
ask them to "thank their parents" and even bow
Dear Bizden and All,
Until the flow of love is restored one is by definition not a free soul.
Asking a client or representative to bow prematurely to his or her abuser
is a potentially re-traumatising error. Asking or instructing someone to
bow is already sailing too close to the wind. A hint or a suggestion might
be a more sensitive, respectful and compassionate approach – if and when it
is appropriate.
In your example it is the perpetrator parent representative who may
contact regret, contrition and loss during the constellation and possibly
express it with a bow.
Actual feelings of resentment, anger, hurt, etc. need to be given space.
In the compassionate wisdom of the field slowly there may well come a point
where the past separates from the present, where choicelessness and
powerlessness is recognised and accepted. That is the place, beyond fear,
where reconciliation and gratitude for life may emerge, perhaps restoring
the flow of love.
Best wishes to all,
Robert
On Thu, Mar 20, 2014 at 2:26 PM, Bizden <bizdentitiz@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Hi All,
Hope all's well with you.
İ've been a seeker in constellations since 2003.
A very unfortunate " real life" example is below, on an issue i have much
difficulty in understanding...
İf the belowmentioned "sexually abused daughter and son" comes for a
systemic family constellation, do, say i, as a fascilitator, still ask them
to "thank their parents" and even bow?
İf i do so, How would that really effect their psychological well-being?
İ know i had asked a similar question to you at "Connecting Fields", this
May, Dear Dan,
And still can not put this anywhere, Sorry ;)
Warmest Regards,
Bizden Canan, MD
--------
Mom, dad planned child sex abuse before kids were born
Jonathan and Sarah Adleta were convicted in Orlando; he faces life in
prison.
-
September 12, 2013|By Amy Pavuk, Orlando Sentinel
Jonathan and Sarah Adleta's children were doomed to a life of perverse
cruelty before they were even born.
Jonathan Adleta, a former Marine officer, dreamed of the day he could
have "daddy-daughter sex." After Sarah Adleta became pregnant with a
daughter, he said he would marry her only if she agreed to let him carry
out that desire. When the couple had a son, Sarah Adleta was expected to
have sexual encounters with him.
In an Orlando federal courtroom this week, prosecutors and witnesses
described, in disturbing and graphic detail, the heinous exploitation and
abuse the couple's toddlers endured at the hands of their parents — even
after they divorced.
Jonathan Adleta lived his dream until March, when the FBI received a tip
that his 29-year-old former wife was communicating with a North Carolina
man who was arrested on charges of having sex with a child.
That's when federal authorities began unraveling a cross-country web of
sexual abuse that culminated in convictions for both parents — and could
land 25-year-old Jonathan Adleta in prison for life.
Sarah Adleta, a University of Central Florida student, pleaded guilty in
May to two charges of sexual exploitation of a minor. She faces 15 to 30
years in federal prison and will be sentenced next month. On Thursday,
jurors found Jonathan Adleta guilty of two child-sex charges. He'll be
sentenced in December and faces 10 years to life in prison.
The charges against him stem from abuse that occurred in December, when
Sarah Adleta and the couple's two children traveled to his home in Oklahoma
so he could have sexual contact with his daughter.
But to tell the Adletas' story, prosecutors had to take jurors to the
beginning.
In opening statements, Assistant U.S. Attorney Karen Gable characterized
Adleta as a father who had a "sexual appetite" for his own daughter.
Sarah Adleta testified that when she began dating Jonathan in 2008 — she
was living with her family in Oviedo and he in an apartment in the
Goldenrod area — he began showing her stories about fathers and daughters
having sex, to gauge her interest in the possibility.
Their daughter was born in March 2009, and Sarah Adleta became pregnant
with their son not long after.
Sarah Adleta, who testified for several hours this week wearing Orange
County Jail garb, said she initially struggled with the concept and
thought Jonathan Adleta would lose interest in it.
But she loved him, needed his financial security and said she would do
whatever it took to not lose him, she told jurors.
Gable told jurors the couple made sex with their children "part of their
parenting plan."
They married in 2010.
The marine was deployed to Afghanistan, and when he returned, the family
moved to California, where he was stationed. There, his ex-wife said, he
had more sexual contact with the children.
In late 2011, Jonathan Adleta filed for divorce, and Sarah Adleta later
returned to Central Florida. But even with thousands of miles between them,
she allowed her former husband to continue to prey on his daughter
electronically through the videoconference program Skype.
By the spring of 2012, Jonathan Adleta had found a new girlfriend who
agreed to let him victimize her daughter.
The girlfriend, 23-year-old Samantha Bryant — a Texas mother he met on a
dating website — testified this week that she watched as Jonathan Adleta
molested her daughter. On at least one occasion, she took pictures of the
assault.
Bryant, who was visibly shaken and cried throughout much of her
testimony, said Jonathan Adleta asked her to write fantasy-type stories
about him having sex with his daughter and her daughter. She did. She
also complied when he asked Bryant to perform sex acts on her own daughter.
Bryant was eventually charged with and pleaded guilty to sexually
assaulting her daughter and allowing Jonathan Adleta to sexually abuse the
girl.
In December, Bryant and her two children spent Christmas in Oklahoma with
Jonathan and Sarah Adleta and their two children. Sarah Adleta told jurors
that there, her former husband sexually abused their daughter in his
bedroom and called her in to watch.
Sarah Adleta, who was emotionless during much of her testimony, began to
choke up as she explained what she witnessed.
"She seemed very resistant," she said of her toddler, adding that the
child was "really upset" and "frightened."
But Sarah rendered no aid to her crying girl.
Weeks later, after she and the children returned to Oviedo, Jonathan
Adleta suggested that his former wife should find another man to abuse
their daughter so she would become comfortable with the sex acts, to
prevent her from 'freaking out" in the future.
During that time, Sarah Adleta was communicating with Aaron Dixon, a
North Carolina man who was later arrested on child-sex charges in an
unrelated case. She told jurors she performed sex acts on the children
while Dixon watched via Skype.
In her closing argument Thursday, Gable told jurors that the last time
the Adletas spoke, they discussed Sarah Adleta's taking their daughter to
Dixon so he could sexually abuse the girl.
Jonathan Adleta, the prosecutor said, liked the idea.
