Hi Nancy,
There could be also a very simple explanation. I remember when I was young
and I started dating, I was given a very logical answer by an older
boyfriend why boys and girls / or men and women walk that way. And the
answer was very simple - man needs to have the right hand free to defend his
woman. As simple as that; this will be true in every culture, and very
obvious. The right hand is for protection.
Souls and simple lives are very closely connected... Closer than we think.
For most clients, even if they originally place man/woman in different
position, there is a strong relief when the position is changed, it feels
like the whole systems takes a deeper breath. And sometimes it does not,
they go back to the original position; it means that for this system it is
right.
It does not matter that much for the ancestors, but it matters when client
puts herself on different side of her partner, because it means that she
needs to be strong now and cannot let herself being protected. In this case
the flow of love may be obstructed, because to become a mother woman needs
to feel safe and protected, and if she does not, it is difficult to create a
strong connection with her baby. In this case, it is worth to take a closer
look and allow it to untangle.
Cheers
Joanna
On Sat, Apr 30, 2011 at 2:22 PM, sbutz helpisit <sbutz@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>wrote:
Hello Nancy,
Placement of the 'father/husband' to the right of the 'mother/wife' is
ultimately the most appropriate soul-level placement. It is a placement
that often raises concerns about patriarchal associations and can be
misunderstood if not taken in a broader view. Sometimes we think that the
position that comes 'first' is therefore the 'most important', and of
course: every position is of equal importance.
Many people refer to the position on 'the right' as the breadwinner, but I
prefer to look at it as the position of 'strength', where strength is used
in a structural sense. Without structure/strength, love/softness has no
form - no place to be held. Think about a glass of water where love is the
water: without a structure water just flows everywhere and may not reach the
mouth for that life-sustaining drink.
For me, Constellation work around this male/female positioning mirrors some
indigenous/shamanic approaches that women channel love from the
Divine/God/the Field/Source, and men provide the structure/stability, often
drawn from the strength of the physical world, from the Earth, for that love
to be channelled. Both still access the love (a man's grounded, earthy love
and a woman's more ethereal love) and share with each other and with their
family, but when a woman is able to channel love from the Source and a man
provides the space for that love and is able to reflect that love, then the
children 'see' the mother and the father clearly and, more importantly, see
the love. This is the basis of a 'functional' family.
I use the following story as an example: Imagine that you were choosing to
live or visit the depths of the ocean - somewhere really quite distant from
your normal environment (on the surface of the earth, breathing air at
normal pressure). In order to survive at the bottom of the ocean, we take
on a pressure suit or vehicle to protect us from the elements and we need an
air hose providing us with oxygen. When you are visiting the bottom of the
ocean, which is more important: the hose that provides the structure for the
oxygen to be delivered, or the oxygen that is transferred through the hose
without being dispersed without form into the air and the water? Without
the hose, there is no oxygen, without the oxygen there is no use for the
hose. Now extend that image to us as loving soul beings. We choose to come
into this physical existence, but we need that constant supply of pure love.
We take on these bodies as a way of surviving in this 'hostile environment'
but we sti!
ll need access to love.
Now extend that to family systems. Someone in the Family System has to
channel the love from the Divine, and someone in the Family System has to
provide the structure, connected to the Divine, for that love to be
channelled. It seems to work 'easiest' when men take the structure role and
women take the channelling role.
Of course, when one can't be present in the preferred role, then the other
will take up both roles. But that generally means that neither role is
fully expressed. When a woman has to 'be strong for the family', she may
tend to not be able to channel the love as easily or as fully. When a man
has to take on the channelling love role, he may tend to lose his sense of
structure within the world.
Therefore, you will often see a pattern where the men have not been able to
be present for the family and hence can't provide the 'structure' and the
women of that family then become strong women. The children of that family
learn/see that as the standard pattern and it repeats through subsequent
generations in different forms. The reason the men were not present are
many: death, not able to accept (or not knowing of) a pregnancy, etc. As
that passes down through the generations you find men that don't (or won't
or can't) have the 'strength' to stand in their position within the
relationship, and women who feel they must stand in the position of
strength. This is where bringing in the line of men behind the man
(fathers, grandfathers, etc) until you get a man who is willing and happy to
stand lovingly in the position of strength, and a line of women behind the
woman (mothers, grandmothers, etc) until you find the woman able to stand
lovingly and strongly in her position!
. And sometimes you have to turn the 'key' couple to 'see' each other in
their 'correct' position.
When you look at the history of the family you will find early deaths
through wars and accidents, death in childbirth, death through illness, or
simple abandonment of a family as many triggers for the initial need for a
man to be 'not present' and for the woman of that family to 'be strong'.
So, when you find a client positioning the woman in the 'right' position
and the man in the 'left', you will need to see where there can be the
resources for each to stand in the 'correct' position. And when you listen
to the family story you will often find a history of 'men not being present'
and 'women having to be strong', often on both sides of the family behind
the client.
This approach (position of 'strength/structure' and position of
'love/softness') works for gay and lesbian couples as well and takes away
all sense of a patriarchal approach. It also allows for women to be the
"breadwinner" in a family without negating the need for the "man" to be the
structure and the "woman" to be the love.
I also feel there is something in this approach that also allows for men to
channel that Divine love directly but usually not in the family context - I
am still investigating this ;-)
Naturally, simply placing couples in the 'correct' position will not
necessarily find a solution - but then, that is not what Constellation work
is about. Allowing for an awareness of another option often allows for an
ultimate movement of the soul.
Love and Light,
Suzy
Suzanne Butz
30 Browley Street
Moss Vale NSW 2577
Australia
02 4869 4659
0412 555 141
www.suzannebutz.com
On 30/04/2011, at 9:07 AM, Nancy@xxxxxxxxxxxxx wrote:
Dear ConstellationTalk group,
I really enjoy receiving and reading all the e-mails on various subjects.
I am currently taking Francesca Boring's training courses. A question I
have about "placement of the family souls" is of interest to me.
For people who have participated or conducted constellation workshops in
different parts of the world, is it common to find that the system feels
balanced when men are placed to the right of women? Is this placement
"universal" regardless of culture or history?
In what circumstances do you find that women (mother) are placed to the
right of the men (father) by seekers?
In my own constellation, I noticed that I placed both of my grandmothers to
the right of my grandfathers. One grandma survived by her husband for more
than 40 years. Another grandma separated from her husband in the war for
many years and also survived by her husband for more than 40 year. They all
lived in China and Taiwan.
When I do individual constellations using paper dolls, I noticed that many
clients also place the women to the right of men.
Your response to this question is highly appreciated!
Thank you kindly,
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
