From: Carol.M.Kovach@xxxxxxxxx To: p_kovach@xxxxxxxxxxx, dmcgrath@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Subject: Fwd: FW: Too good to keep to myself Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 16:50:46 -0400
Intellectual internet humor.
>For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity:
>
>1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
>
>2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
>
>3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
>
>4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
>apes?
>
>5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
>girls live.
>
>6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the
>self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
>
>7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
>
>8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
>
>9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it
>considered a hostage situation?
>
>10. Is there another word for synonym?
>
>11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
>
>12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
>endangered plant?
>
>13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
>
>14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
>
>15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
>clean them?
>
>16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
>
>17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
>
>18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain
>silent?
>
>19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
>(Somebody please explain THIS ONE to me) (I know there's a logical
>explanation, but it escapes me)
>
>20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road
signs?
>
>21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
>
>22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
>
>23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
>
>24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
>
>25. How is it possible to have a civil war? @#&%$!!!# ????
>
>26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
>
>27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
>
>28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
>
>29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
>
>30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
>
>31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
>
>32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
>
>33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
>disoriented?
>
>34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
>
To: Carol Kovach/CIN-OH/US/Marsh/MMC@MMC cc: From: Jeff Christie/CIN/Seabury
