[cinci_dads] Fw: Reasonable thoughts for reasonable people
- From: "Dan Zavon" <dzavon@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "Bernie Markstein" <BMarkstein2@xxxxxxx>,"Blake D. Baird" <finabair@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>,"Stay-at-home Dads Cincinnati" <cinci_dads@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 11 Jul 2002 23:08:03 -0400
Sent: Thursday, July 11, 2002 10:49 PM
Subject: Reasonable thoughts for reasonable people
> > Reasonable thoughts for reasonable people.
> > > 1. Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't
> > even get into my own pants.
> > > 2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was
> > my blood alcohol content.
> > > 3. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in
> > bed with a relative.
> > > 4. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with
> > "Guess" on it...so Isaid "Implants?"
> > > 5. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get
> > the same effec just standing up fast.
> > > 6. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get
> > one flea..."
> > > 7. I have my own little world. But it's OK...they
> > know me here.
> > > 8. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes
> > misery easier to live with.
> > > 9. I got a sweater for Christmas...I really
> > wanted a screamer or a moaner.
> > > 10. If flying is so safe, why do they call the
> > airport the terminal?
> > > 11. I don't approve of political jokes...I've
> > seen too many of them get elected.
> > > 12. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet
> > it has absolutely no trade in value.
> > > 13. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours
> > and shithead's.
> > > 14. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if
> > it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary's. But if it deals you a
> > truckload of hand grenades... now THAT'S a message!
> > > 15. I love being married. It's so great to find
> > that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
> > > 16. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents
> > at the bowling alley.
> > > 17. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect;
> > therefore I am perfect.
> > > 18. I married my wife for her looks...but not the
> > ones she's been giving me lately!
> > > 19. Everyday I beat my own previous record for
> > number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
> > > 20. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come
> > I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
> > > 21. Welcome to Shit Creek -- Sorry, We're Out of
> > Paddles!
> > > 22. How come we choose from just two people to
> > run for president and 50 for Miss America?
> > > 23. Isn't having a smoking section in a
> > restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
> > > 24. Why is it that most nudists are people you
> > don't want to see naked?
> > > 25. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
> > > 26. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can
> > hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's
> > been!"
>
>
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