[bookshare-discuss] [fun-and-laughter] No Child Left Behind
- From: Diane Kelker <dkelker1@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: bksd <bookshare-discuss@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Sun, 12 Sep 2004 22:16:45 -0500 (EST)
---- Original Message ------
From: "Arthur Nolden" <metaphysician@xxxxxx
Subject: [fun-and-laughter] No Child Left Behind
Date: Thu, 2 Sep 2004 10:40:23 -0400
No Child Left Behind:
No Child Left Behind - In Massachusetts
Reacting to Federal Guidelines, the state of Massachusetts, which has been
highlighted as a role model for student testing by the two U.S. Senators
from this State, released the following memo:
In response to the Federal No Child Left Behind Act, students will have to
pass it to be promoted to the next grade level. In the hopes that it will
be uniformly adopted by all the states, thus illuminating Massachusetts to
a glorious front runner position in education, it will be called: the
Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test (FART).
All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested
in grades 3-5 until such a time as they are capable of achieving a FART
score of 80%. If a student does not successfully FART by grade 5, that
student shall be placed in a separate English program, the Special
Massachusetts Elective for Learning Language (SMELL).
If with this increased SMELL program the student cannot pass the required
FART, he or she can graduate to middle school by taking a one-semester
course in Comprehensive Reading and Arithmetic Preparation (CRAP).
If by age fourteen the student cannot FART, SMELL or CRAP, he or she will
earn a promotion in an intensive one-week seminar. This is the Preparatory
Reading for Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students (PRUNES).
It is the opinion of the Massachusetts Department of Public Instruction
that an intensive week of PRUNES will enable any student to FART, SMELL or
CRAP.
U.S. Senators Ted Kennedy and John Kerry stated that this revised
provision of the student-testing program should help clear the air.
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