So very well said. Thank you.
Laura Paulson
A sometimes Oregonian, currently hiding out in the southeastern Arizona
mountains
On Wed, Mar 3, 2021 at 10:44 AM Mike Patterson <celata@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
We've talked a great deal about feeling intimidated by others and most
of it is absolutely real, but there is a form of intimidation that my
wife and I talk about a great deal and that is our feelings of
inadequacy when being around others that we perceive to know more than
we do.
I always start this conversion with a thought experiment:
Take everything you know and pile it into the center of the room and
I'll pile everything I know next to it. In most cases, your pile of
stuff and my pile will be the same size, but the stuff in your pile is
different than the stuff in my pile. There is a whole bunch of stuff in
your pile that I don't know how to do. If we're both in a room full of
people who have knowledge piles similar to your pile, you're going to
feel more comfortable than me. I'm going to feel intimidated, not
because most of those other people in the room are deliberately trying
to make me feel small. I'm doing it to myself. I'm judging myself by
what's in your pile, forgetting about what's in my pile, and feeling
inadequate.
Caveat #1: there will be some people who will be trying to make you feel
small, because they think size matters. They are in the minority. The
rest of us want to be helpful, but may be clumsy about it.
Paul made some excellent points which go to what room we want to be in.
As a birder, I am most comfortable in a room with very few people. I
have not mastered the skill of birding seriously in social settings.
When I am in a social setting, I am most comfortable as student or
teacher and the older I get the more I find myself being steered by
others toward teacher. If I'm in a room where some people want to take
stuff from my pile and some people didn't come for that, each will
come away with a different impression of me.
Caveat #2:
There's just no pleasing some people. They have their impressions of
others and are going to selectively find reasons to keep their biases.
We all do this to some degree about some people, but most of us want to
be nice. I want people to think I'm nice. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes
I need guidance from others.
The bottom line to all of this, as we navigate issues of bullying,
intimidation and other negative behaviors, is to recognize that we all
have skill sets we bring to the room and that's what diversity is all
about. Focus on what you bring to the room, not what you think you lack
and we'll deal with the rest together.
--
Mike Patterson
Astoria, OR
I don't know...
http://www.surfbirds.com/community-blogs/northcoastdiaries/?p=3924
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