GOING THE SECOND MILE
"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are
like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as
crimson, they shall be like wool." Isaiah 1:18
If your brother violates your rights, taught Jesus, go to him privately. If
he won't listen to you, then take someone with you who can help moderate the
dispute. Good advice? You bet it is, unless you prefer living with anger and
misunderstanding.
One of the most successful negotiators in resolving conflict was a humble
monk known simply as Brother Rufus. When a misunderstanding developed
between him and a friend, he knew that he had to confront the individual,
and having made a rather unsuccessful bid to bring harmony, decided he
needed to take the second step and bring another person along with him. But
who?
If he brought a friend of his, he thought the person with whom he was in
conflict would think that the two had ganged up on him. "I know what I will
do," he said, "I will take his best friend along." Furthermore, he resisted
the temptation to even tell the third party what the encounter was all about
so that he would not prejudice the man. And what happened? Forgiveness and
reconciliation resulted.
Going the second mile is the difficult task. Scores of marriages
disintegrate, dads and their sons drift away from each other, best friends
become strangers, and long-standing friendships dissolve because our
stubborn pride keeps us from going the second mile.
The following guidelines will help you go the second mile. You may want to
jot them down and then put them into practice.
Guideline #1: Get rid of your bitterness. It just isn't worth it. Focus on
the value of your friendship, the importance of maintaining the quality of a
relationship that you have had. Bitterness destroys.
Guideline #2: Realize God is on your side when you go the second mile.
Seldom do we think of it, but God has been in the business of reconciliation
for a long, long time. It was He who sent His son who took the side of
mankind who were separated and estranged from God. And the result of what
Jesus Christ did: reconciliation. God not only went the second mile, but He
goes the third and fourth, pursuing our wayward spirits, inviting us back to
the conference table of grace.
Long ago Isaiah wrote, "'Come now, let us reason together,' says the LORD.
'Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though
they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool'" (Isaiah 1:18). Bethlehem
is God's statement of reconciliation. Therefore, when you take the step of
reconciliation to end a disagreement, you know ahead of time that you will
have God's help in doing this.
Guideline #3: Be willing to take the first step. "It was his fault as much
as it was mine." That's not the issue. Someone has to take the first step,
and you need to be that one. Chances are that the offended person would also
like to resolve this issue. He or she just doesn't know how to go about it.
Guideline #4: Assume responsibility. Leave your shovel at home. Don't focus
on who caused the problem; focus on a solution. Don't say, "Well, this was
my fault as much as it was yours." Simply begin by saying, "Look, I value my
friendship with you, and I want us to resolve this problem."
Guideline #5: Pursue peace. That's the advice of Scripture, which says,
"Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without
holiness no one will see the Lord" (Hebrews 12:14).
Reconciliation is more than just forgetting the past and getting on with
your life. It's reconstructing the relationship, rebuilding the household of
trust, and letting God help you put the pieces back together with the glue
of love and forgiveness. It is well worth the cost of humility.
Resource reading: Matthew 18:15-18
Victoria E Gilkerson
