[amc] 2/27
- From: "Holly Herr" <hollyjill@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: amc@xxxxxxxxxxxxx, dtyler@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, lorna@xxxxxxxxxx, marlabu@xxxxxxxxxxx, roohut@xxxxxxx, sarakurtz@xxxxxxxx, "Alison Wenzel" <alisonwenzel@xxxxxxxxxxx>, "Bea Smith" <bea.smith@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "blondani@xxxxxxx" <blondani@xxxxxxx>, "ccrook@xxxxxxxxxxxxx" <ccrook@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "cmcgaughy@xxxxxxxxxxxxx" <cmcgaughy@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "DOOR San Antonio (Hugo)" <hugosaucedo@xxxxxxxx>, "g.e.richards@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" <g.e.richards@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Gail Miller" <rakupants@xxxxxxxx>, "henkesa@xxxxxxxxxxx" <henkesa@xxxxxxxxxxx>, "Jean Fisher" <fisherj@xxxxxxxx>, "Jennifer Heatwole" <jenheatwole@xxxxxxxxx>, "jessicakious@xxxxxxxxxxxx" <jessicakious@xxxxxxxxxxxx>, "katiegoins@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" <katiegoins@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Lara Fisher" <thandeka@xxxxxxxxx>, "Leah Gingerich" <sianasimone@xxxxxxxxx>, "Maureen Leach" <maureenleach@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "mgosden@xxxxxxx" <mgosden@xxxxxxx>, "neil fencer" <fencerna@xxxxxxxxx>, "Ramona Steiner" <rsteiner@xxxxxx>, "tammie warren" <wams_13@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Mon, 27 Feb 2006 15:25:59 -0500
Hello all my dearest,
I am dealing with life a little better today. My dad is still in very
critical condition and has not shown great improvement. He has several
things going on physically aside from the brain injury so they are keeping
him sedated all day today. He is so hot, which they are thinking is likely
related to the brain injury rather than infection. Not uncommon. And his
belly is very distended so they're not feeding him right now.
I have decided I cannot focus on the screens in his room anymore. They don't
look good from a nursing/medical perspective. Many people have a strong
faith that my dad is going to recover from this, and the head knowledge that
I have has been holding me back from believing. Head knowledge would tell
you that most people who are hit by a truck going "55 miles an hour" would
probably be killed immediately. Head knowledge would tell you that with
three intracranial bleeds there would probably be a significant amount of
swelling. Sometimes our textbooks arent' as smart as our hearts, and that's
where I am today. I still struggle with the occasional incompent nurse - my
mother thinks I'm acting a bit imperialistic. Yeah, I had to look it up too.
A nurse flippantly commented to my brother yesterday that she didn't think
my dad could see. There are concerns about his vision, but we think he does
see. I explained to her that it's probably not appropriate to share
potentially devastating diagnoses in casual conversations with family
members (my brother knew nothing about my dad's vision being in question).
She apologized and said she meant no harm, and I said I knew she didn't
which is why I wanted to give her some feedback. Then she said "but just
know it's a possibility." I looked at her in the eyes and said "I know it's
*possibility* that he could die, but we try to focus our energy on hope
until we have no reason to anymore." I think this experience is going to
really change me, and I'm afraid some of these changes may not be for the
better. I don't care what mean and stupid people think about me anymore, I
have no qualms in telling them they are mean and stupid. Today, I will say,
we have a wonderful nurse and I have told her so. All that makes her
wonderful is that she walked into the room, introduced herself, and is
sincerely caring towards my father. That's all it takes to make a world of
difference for family members.
The running/biking community who all sort of idolize Dennis Herr ("The
Animal") have been absolutely wonderful during all of this. We've heard lots
of stories about my dad that we hadn't known before, which has been fun.
There have probably been more people in this waiting room in biker shorts
and thermal wear in the last week and a half than in the last 10 years.
I think that's all I'll write for now. I'm still asking you to pray for
what we cannot see.
love,
Holly
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