[adeel420] XXX Work
- From: Mohammed Shaqeel <mshaqeel@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: adeel420@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sat, 5 Oct 2002 19:13:30 +0100 (BST)
------- SHIT
FROM: BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
TO: ALL employees
SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
In order to assure the highest level of quality work
and productivity from employees... it will be our
policy to keep all employees well trained through
our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(S.H.I.T.).
We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than
anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your
share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your
manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of
the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially
skilled at seeing that you get all of the S.H.I.T.
you can handle. Employees who don't take their
S.H.I.T. will be placed in the DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE
EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who fail
to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to
EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRACKING SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY
TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took
S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to
do S.H.I.T. anymore, and they are all full of S.H.I.T.
already. If you are also full of S.H.I.T.,
you may be interest in a job training others. We can
add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST
(B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of
B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.
will get the S.H.I.T. jobs and can apply for promotion
to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (
D.I.P.S.H.I.T.). If you have further questions, please
direct
them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL INTENSITY
TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).
Thank you all,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)
RETIREMENT PLAN ---------------
As a result of automation as well as declining
workload, Management must of necessity take steps to
reduce our work force. A reduction in force plan has
been developed which appears the most equitable under
the circumstances. Under the plan, older employees,
will be placed on early retirement, thus permitting
the retention of employees who represent the future of
the company. Therefore, a program to phase out older
personnel bythe end of the current fiscal year via
early retirement will be placed into effect
immediately. The program shall be known as RAPE(Retire
Aged Personnel Early).
Employees who are RAPED will be given an opportunity
to seek other jobs within the company, provided that
while they are being RAPED they request a review of
their employment status before actual retirement takes
place. This phase of the operation is calledSCREW
(Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).
All employees who have been RAPED and SCREWED may also
apply for a final review. This will be known as SHAFT
(Study by HigherAuthority Following Termination).
Program policy dictates that employees may be RAPED
once and SCREWED twice, but may get the SHAFT as many
times as the company deems appropriate.
=====
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