Merry christmas to everyone who celebrating it. k,chow, LTC > 'Twas the Night before Christmas, and all > through the shack Not a creature > was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back. The skoal cans wuz nailed to > the screen > door with care, With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. > The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds, While visions of > tractor pulls danced in their heads. And Ma in her nightgown all stained > with pound cake. Had just settled down to watch Ricki Lake. > When out in the driveway, a loud noise I > heard, I opened the winder to check muh T-bird. I ran to the door, like > I's on a mission, But I tripped on some parts from muh granny's > transmission. The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz > barkin'. Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz still out parkin'. > When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should > I see But a Chevy S-10, pulled > by eight flyin' sheep. With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin' and sick I > said "Shoot Fire!" That must be St. Nick! > More rapid than X-lax his wooly sheep came And he belched > and he hollered, > and he called 'em by name. > Now CLIFFORD! Now VERNON! Now LESTER and ENUS! On FESTUS! On > ELMER! On ROSCOE and CLETUS! > From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins Now > Dash Away! Dash > Away! Dash Away youins! > I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack. Pud down muh > beer and went > fer muh gun rack. He fell through the roof, plum killed my dog, I swear > that ole' Santa looked just like Boss Hog. > He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front, And his jeans were > all bloody > from that morning's hunt. A big nekkid lady tattooed on his arm, And he > wore black boots that he'd picked up in 'Nam. His eyes, how > they glazed from too much Wild Turkey. From the side of his > mouth hung a stick of beef jerky. A scar on his cheek from a fight with > the cops. The veins on his face looked ready to pop. > The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip He > wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q > chips. He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly. I ain't seen one that > big since > muh ex-wife Shelly. > He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three And I > laughed cause that > redneck was smarter than me. A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his > head, From > his hair came a rat that ran under the bed. He reached in his > sack, sipped his gin and tonic, Then filled the kid's stockings with > Hooked on Phonics. His toys came from Big Lots and they weren't very > nice But he had lots of them and yuh can't beat the price. > He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing Jingle Bells. > Some Crisco, > some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies, And a Nascar T-shirt in Double X > size. > When the presents were gone and he had no more, He staggered > and stumbled > right through muh screen door. > He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order "Hurry up > youins! To the Tennessee border!" > And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl, > "Merry Christmas You Rednecks! Merry Christmas Y'all!" > YEEEEEE HAAAAAAA! ===== __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Everything you'll ever need on one web page from News and Sport to Email and Music Charts http://uk.my.yahoo.com