[adeel420] Assorted jokes --- marines, women, maffia etc
- From: LTC <mshaqeel@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: adeel420@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Tue, 31 Dec 2002 15:43:22 +0000 (GMT)
Ya gotta Love those Marines
> > > From a Marine in Bosnia. Note the signature,
but read it last.
> > > A funny thing happened to me yesterday at Camp
Bondsteel (Bosnia): A French army officer walked up to
me in the PX, and told me he thought we(Americans)
were a bunch of cowboys and were going to provoke a
war.
> > > He said if such anything happens, we wouldn't be
able to count on the support of France.
I told him that it didn't surprise me. Since we had
come to France's rescue in World War I, World War II,
Vietnam, and the Cold War, their ingratitude and
jealousy was due to surface at some point in the near
future anyway.
That is why France is a third-rate military power with
a socialist economy and bunch of wimps for soldiers.
> > > I additionally told him that America, being a
nation of deeds and action, not words, would do
whatever it had to do, and France's support was only
for show anyway. Just like in ALL NATO exercises, the
US would shoulder 85% of the burden, as evidenced by
the fact that the French officer was shopping in
theAmerican PX, and not the other way around.
> > > He began to get belligerent at that point, and I
told him if he would like to, I would meet him outside
in front of the Burger King and beat his ass in front
of the entire Multi-National Brigade East, thus
demonstrating that even the smallest American had more
fight in him than the average Frenchman.
> > > He called me a barbarian cowboy and walked away
in a huff.
With friends like these, who needs enemies?
> > > Signed.....Mary Beth Johnson LtCol, USMC
***
Interesting Email Addresses
Many colleges and businesses tend to strip the last
name down to 6
characters and add the first and last initial to
either the beginning or
end to make up an e-mail address. For example, Mary L.
Ferguson =
mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to
realize the
problems that may happen when you have a large and
diverse pool of
people to choose from. Add to that a large database of
company/college
acronyms and you have some very funny addresses.
Probably not funny to
the individual involved, however.
10. Helen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) - eatonsht @
dku.edu
9. Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of
Pennsylvania) - dickinme
@ iup.edu
8. Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University) -
kissinfk @ lvu.edu
7. Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) - aspicker
@ pu.edu
6. Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) -
ibballin @ bsu.edu
5. Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical,
Northern Division,
Overton Canada) - btkisser @ bendover.com
4. Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us) - ihadcock @
tru.com
3. Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University) -
cumminme @ fu.edu
2. George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets
Inc.) - blowmegd
@ dropdrawers.com
but at No 1, it had to be...
1. Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating) -
beeranbj @
myplace.com
***
Ten Things Men Know About Women
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have breasts.
***
HUSBAND SHOPPING CENTER!!
Recently a "Husband Shopping Center" opened in Dallas,
where women could go to choose a husband from among
many men.
It was laid out in five floors, with the men
increasing in positive
attributes as you ascended.
The only rule was, once you opened the door to any
floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; If you
went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except
to leave the place, never to return.
A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to
find some
husbands...
First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and
love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well,
that's better than not having a job, or not loving
kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they
went.
Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love
kids, and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, said the
ladies. But, I wonder what's further up?
Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are
extremely good looking, love kids and help with the
housework." Wow! Said the women. Very tempting,
BUT, there's more further up! And up they went.
Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high
paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking,
help with the housework, and have a strong romantic
streak." Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be
awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they
went.
Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and
exists only to prove that women are impossible to
please. Goodbye."
***
Embezzled Millions
The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into
a room to meet
with his accountant. The Godfather asks the
accountant, "Where's the
three million bucks you embezzled from me?" The
accountant doesn't
answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where's the three
million bucks you
embezzled from me?"
The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf-mute
and cannot
understand you, but I can interpret for you."
The Godfather says, "Well, ask him where the @#!*
money is."
The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant
where the three
million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I
don't know what you're
talking about." The attorney interprets to the
Godfather, "He doesn't
know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the
temple of the
accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again
where the @#!*
money is!"
The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to
know where it is!"
The accountant signs back, "Okay! Okay! The money's
hidden in a suitcase
behind the shed in my backyard!"
The Godfather says, "Well, what did he say?"
The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says
that you don't have
the guts to pull the trigger."
***
Doctor Bob
Doctor Bob had slept with one of his patients and felt
guilt all week
long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it,
he simply
couldn't. The feelings of guilt and betrayal were
overwhelming. Every
once in a while though, he'd hear that soothing voice
within himself,
trying to offer reassurance: "Bob, don't worry about
it. You're not the
first doctor to sleep with one of his patients, and
you won't be the
last. And you're single. Just let it go." But
invariably, the other
voice would bring him back to reality: "Bob, you're a
vet".
=====
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