[triadtechtalk] School teacher OTF

From: "Juanita Kimble" <jkimble@xxxxxxxxxx>
To: <triadtechtalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Fri, 20 Jan 2012 09:07:51 -0600


      I think a retired English teacher was bored.
      THIS IS GREAT! Read all the way to the end................
      This took a lot of work to put together!
            You think English is easy

            1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

            2) The farm was used to produce produce.

            3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

            4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

            5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

            6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

            7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time 
to present the present.

            8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

            9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

            10) I did not object to the object.

            11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

            12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

            13) They were too close to the door to close it.

            14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

            15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

            16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

            17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

            18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

            19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

            20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


            Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in 
eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English 
muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are 
candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for 
granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work 
slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is 
it a pig..

            And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers 
don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't 
the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One 
index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one 
amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, 
what do you call it?

            If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian 
eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the 
English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In 
what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck 
and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

            How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise 
man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a 
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in 
a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

            English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the 
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is 
why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, 
they are invisible.

            PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?
[triadtechtalk] School teacher OTF

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