[thebigjewel] Proper Grooming Tips - May 7, 2003

  • From: "The Big Jewel" <list@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: <thebigjewel@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Wed, 7 May 2003 08:11:06 -0600 (MDT)

* This week our old friend J. Pinkerton (he is 92) returns with an article
that is sure to make you feel clean all over. Warning: If total nudity
offends you...then sleep in your pajamas.


Proper Grooming Tips
By J. Pinkerton

Trim your toe- and fingernails immediately after a shower, when your
cuticles and nails are at their most tender. Performing toe grooming at
other times will cause your toes to snap off suddenly in a brittle
explosion of bone and skin shards.

Sir Lies-a-Lot didn't actually like your new haircut. That's not even his
real name.

For future reference, wearing black tends to have a slimming effect.
Watching you shovel up four helpings of pasta at the restaurant last night,
conversely, tended to have an I-think-I-want-to-break-up-with-you effect.

Don't comb your hair on a regular basis. Combs and brushes tend to damage
hair over the long term by breaking it off or pulling it out, causing your
tail to become sparse and thin. Instead, remove tangles by "combing"
through your tail with your teeth. Also be careful to remove rocks and dirt
from your hooves where, if left unchecked, bacteria can build. Also, be a

For all the tips you need to know please visit:

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  • » [thebigjewel] Proper Grooming Tips - May 7, 2003