[networkku] Re: Nostalgia
- From: Sloggoth@xxxxxxx
- To: networkku@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Wed, 19 May 2004 21:09:40 EDT
I STILL remember my IOTT password and login, go figure, and dug this little
story up that I wrote over 3 years ago, when life was good and uber loots were
as impressive as Jagged Bands and Wyrmslayers.
For those who remember these character's names, you might appreciate this.
For those that remember how difficult it was to travel around the world way
back when without a druid to port you, this will really strike home. It seems
like a million years ago...Enjoy:
On 4/16/2001 concerning The Quest for the Jagged Bands thus spoke Teremont
I thought I would feed you some amusing information from some of the lower
levels who decided they wanted some action last night along with all you above
40th studs.
Teremont Valorius had been spending a great deal of time lately at KFC. He
just loves those spicy chicken wings and what better place to go than Karana
Fried Chicken for a whole mess of 'em? Well, some of his travel buddies were
giving him grief for only having a couple of lame Cutthroat Insignia Rings
adorning his meaty fingers. They then flashed their own jewelry and several had
Jagged Bands. After all the oos and ahhs had died down, Ter found out that he
could
get his own Jagged Bands if he made the trek to the Estate of Unrest and
killed Garanel Rucksforth, a undead Dwarf who drops them like the Easter Bunny
drops eggs.
So what did he do? He called upon his buds, Xemp, Mraq, and Snyyder (who in
an alternate life was a super in an Indianapolis apartment complex who liked to
barge in on his tenants). Sure, they would make the treck from the Lake of
Ill Omen in the spirit of high adventure and the promise of wealth beyond the
dreams of Avarice. It was, of course, just a simple boat ride away to Butcher
Block and an overland journey through Dagnor's Cauldron to the Estate. No
problem.
Well, both Snyyder and Mraq decided that the boat from Firiona Vie to Butcher
was a Carnival Cruise. While trying to find Kathy Lee Gifford and throw her
overboard they got trashed and fell overboard themselves. After several weeks
of trying to imitate Tom Hanks in Castaway, they washed ashore in FV and made
the trip once again. All three of them finally reached Butcher Block, where
rumors of Mraq's dalliances with some prominent Dwarven official's daughter ("I
always had a weak spot for chicks with beards") forced the three to make a
covert run through Butcher Block trying to find Teremont, who had decided to
take
a TWA port in a few days earlier.
At this point everyone was a little grumpy. They all got bound in Gfay and
headed into the Cauldron. Teremont had scouted out this level and felt it would
be an easy trip on into the Estate from here. Not so. Whenever you have Mraq
around, you can rest assured that something will go terribly wrong. Turns out
that one of the fine and good NPCs camped just inside the Cauldron recognized
Mraq as the guy who had hotwired his Griffon and had taken it for a Joyflight
several months before. High hilarity ensued as Mraq was chased around and
summarily beaten to a pulp while Xemp insisted he could not help his buddy out
because it would reflect poorly on his well respected family name (but rumors
are
that Xemp's family name is Nixon-Oswald, so what the hell!?). So, after that
got straightened out and Mraq was able to get back on his feet they all headed
to the fun and sun of Estate of Unrest, where they were all sure the real
excitement would begin.
Boy where they right! Almost immediately the four started hearing numerous
souls shouting out "TRAIN!!!" while literally a cast of thousands of undead
wandered about chasing down the poor losers who came here without so much as a
plan of attack. But fear not! Our intrepid adventurers had a plan! It was that
they would run around, try to find the entrance to the basement where the dead
dwarf hangs out, beat him on the noggin and grab a few of the Jagged Bands.
Then they would all retire on the veranda for some daquiris and screwdrivers to
brag about kicking all that ass at the Estate. Well, as is the case with so
many plans concocted by the four stooges, not much went right.
The four ran to the side of the house and discovered that the shouts of
"TRAIN" were not because the Rock Island Line was coming through but because
more
undead were coming out of the door they had opened than there are Elvis
impersonators in Vegas. After several failed attempts to get through, the crew
was
able to make headway to the room with the the stairs to Mr. Big's office. But
before they could enter his room and speak those utterly horrid words that
would
have him screaming for his momma: "Hi, we are with Amway and would love to
talk to you about our products," they met up with a nasty wench having a bad
hair day, PMS, and a really nasty yeast infection all rolled into one. Teremont
tried to apologize and give her flowers but all she wanted was chocolate and a
Midol, so she decided to wipe the floor with him and Mraq, who suddenly found
themselves playing footsies with the elves in Gfay again, buck naked. And
although I admit playing footsies with elves in the nude is nothing to sneeze
at,
they had rotting corpses to attend to. After the long trek back, Xemp (in wolf
form) was able to drag their bodies out (apparently the hag let him go since
she thought he was going to piddle on her for good measure).
Teremont, at this point, had not had enough and decided to die again outside
the estate for good measure while Mraq was still interested in trying to crash
the party. Xemp and Snyyder, on the other hand, had had enough and wanted to
head back to the Lake of Ill Omen, where the bad guys at least have the
courtesy of not coming at you 10,000 at a time. So, dragging Mraq along by his
hair,
they all headed back to Butcher Block and then on the boat to Firiona Vie.
The icing on the cake was when Xemp, who by this point needed a cocktail to
take
the edge off of this catastrophy, drank some really bad dwarf beer and fell
off the shuttle. He was able to catch the next boat and get to FV in one piece
after puking on some poor dwarf's shoes.
So, we really had some great fun. Teremont and Mraq were able to lose a
significant amount of experience with nothing to show for it and Xemp and
Snyyder
were able to discover that how much of an idiot you are is proportional to how
big you are.
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