[lit-ideas] Re: hot Chinese housewives living in Uganda
- From: Eric Yost <eyost1132@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: Lit-Ideas <lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Sat, 23 Apr 2005 19:41:59 -0400
Semul the Barbarian
The Law Firm of Semul, Laknar, and Frisch
14 Rubber Beltway
Saginaw, MI
Professor Extraordinaire Robert Paul
Robert Paul Enterprises
Mutton College Station, OR
Dear Pendragon Robert Paul:
It was with hilarity bordering on amusement that we reviewed your recent
bellyaching missive, or should I say, your report of receiving 1,000
Spam E-mails from from hot Chinese housewives living in Uganda. Your
assertion that, “I can finance my Italian digs with a low-cost,
guaranteed loan,” raised more than a few single-eyebrows on
battle-scarred faces here.
While the Internet may be a boundless field of free enterprise for you,
there are other, less fortunate members of our society for whom seizing
hot Chinese housewives living in Uganda is a long and toilsome affair,
and this includes a number of Ostrogoth lawyers and savage paralegal
professionals employed at this firm. We have lately adopted the use of
an eight-sided war mace, with mixed results, and though we intend to
persevere, we are less than sanguine about more modern technologies.
We understand, by your quittance, that you wish to sell us bottle caps;
unfortunately, our import facility recently outsourced to Skagens Odde
is working at top capacity and we must politely decline.
In future, please restrict your communications to a series of flaming
pitched-soaked arrows shot into our camp--one arrow for "No Roman armies
massing on the horizon," and two arrows for "here come the Romans
again." This is our standard practice and we hope that you can abide by it.
Again, let me tell you how unusual it was to receive the notice of your
good fortune. We shall behead an oxen in your honor, roast it, feast
upon it, and drink its blood in homage to our battle gods. Our cries
shall echo far into the darkness beyond our encampment.
Cordially yours,
Semul the Barbarian
The Law Firm of Semul, Laknar, and Frisch
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