[lit-ideas] Re: Random Compulsion
- From: "Michael Geary" <atlas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 15 Apr 2004 21:30:20 -0500
Jesus descended into hell, you know. But he returned after only 3 days.
That doesn't bode well for you, Erin. I mean, when a goody two-shoes is
bored by a place, imagine what it must be like for a hell-bent, hell for
leather, whiskey-drinking, tobacca-spittin', straight-talkin', groin-kickin'
cowgirl like you. Jeez, that poor town will never be the same. I'm sure
you'll put the ex in 'excursions' for them.
When Jesus descended into hell, I wonder did he have to deal with Satan or
did Satan keep his distance? I'd have kept my distance, like maybe in Lake
Michigan. I'm sure Jesus wasn't any too pleasant down there. Yeah, I know,
Jesus said, "Forgive them for they know not what they do", but noblesse
oblige forgiveness is one thing, to wake up in hell is another, that must
have really pissed him off. "God, it's hot!!!!" I can hear him saying.
What was he doing down for three days anyway? Calling roll, maybe? Surely
he didn't have to talk those poor souls out of leaving hell. If I'd ever
read the Divine Comedy, I could make a bunch of very literary jokes right
here, like maybe what the Duke of Livermore said when he saw Jesus hopping
about on the hot coals of Circle Six -- but, alas, I've never read the
Divine Comedy. What a tragedy. Nevertheless, I'm not a total Philistine, I
do have a copy in my library. I've read at least 13 pages. Some day. Some
day.
If I remember my Catholicism correctly, it's not mandatory to believe in
hell as a place of eternal punishment -- it's not an article of faith, that
is, though a traditional belief. So John Kerry can relax. Even if he gets
excommunicated by the Altarboy Buggers for not voting against abortion,
still, he won't necessarily go to hell, neither though will the Altarboy
Buggers, not necessarily. You see, that's the problem with consistency.
I decided I didn't believe in hell when it became obvious that that's where
I was headed. I've always found it easier to change my beliefs than my
habits. I think God is the same way. He keeps on doing the same shit, but
look how many religions he's created to try to justify his ways. Me and
God, we're two of a kind.
Good luck in Hell, Erin. Take a bat with you.
Aloysius U. Luc
Hope, AR
----- Original Message -----
From: "Erin Holder" <erin.holder@xxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Thursday, April 15, 2004 6:46 PM
Subject: [lit-ideas] Random Compulsion
> I feel compelled to share with you all just how sick I am of this school
year,
> how bored I am of writing papers, how utterly unappealing I find the
prospect
> of memorizing grammatical rules and extensive lists of German vocabulary
for a
> tedious three hour exam, and how little enthusiasm I have for summer
school,
> which starts after a pathetically short vacation. I am, however, after a
quick
> excursion to Chicago, going to Hell. Michigan. I can't imagine it's very
> interesting, what with being a small town and all, but apparently it has
"fun
> excursions". I think I'll be the judge of that, thank you very much.
That's
> all I really have to say.
>
> Back to the essay. Blah.
> --
> Erin
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