[lit-ideas] Re: Must-Read
- From: JimKandJulieB@xxxxxxx
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sat, 16 Apr 2005 18:09:15 EDT
http://homepage.mac.com/whump/ujname.html
I kind of like "Sister Hand Grenade of Sweet Reason".....
Julie Krueger
aka....
========Original Message========
Subj: [lit-ideas] Must-Read Date: 4/16/05 1:05:51 A.M. Central Daylight Time
From: _Eternitytime1@xxxxxxxx (mailto:Eternitytime1@xxxxxxx) To:
_lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx (mailto:lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx) Sent on:
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Hi,
This came to me today and I thought of all the rest of the world that I
know, that our list here would be the ones who would most appreciate and
understand it <g>. It's from the San Franscisco Chronicle so some of you
may already
be members <g> as that is where the article first appears in print (as far
as I know).
And, okay, after you read this "must-read" message--you can follow up on it
by taking the test here and getting your Unitarian Jihad name:
_http://homepage.mac.com/whump/ujname.html_
(http://homepage.mac.com/whump/ujname.html)
Marlena in Missouri
or Sister Neutron Bomb of Reasoned Discussion
_Jon Carroll_ (mailto:jcarroll@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)
Friday, April 8, 2005
The following is the first communique from a group calling itself Unitarian
Jihad. It was sent to me at The Chronicle via an anonymous spam remailer. I
have no idea whether other news organizations have received this
communique,
and, if so, why they have not chosen to print it. Perhaps they fear
starting a
panic. I feel strongly that the truth, no matter how alarming, trivial or
disgusting, must always be told. I am pleased to report that the words
below
are at least not disgusting:
Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian
Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of
our
God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother
Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at
all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary.
Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has
your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too
long
have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote,
no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long
have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them.
You
have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use
the
IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!
People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever
happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nutballs
saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of
every
American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the
world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they
feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister
Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect
to Jews,
Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee of the whole
for
further discussion.
We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born again, nor
have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares what we read,
what
we eat or whom we sleep with. Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity notes for
the
record that he does not have a moral code but is nevertheless a good
person,
and Unexalted Leader Garrote of Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron
Bomb of Serenity is a good person, and this is to be reflected in the
minutes.
Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with
brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and
personal
faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist- like actions.
We
will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and
broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will
not try
for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring
non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.
We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require people
to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that
we
institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not
formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all
lobbyists,
spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public.
Televangelists
will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all
stripes will be required to read Proust out loud in prisons.
We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We
have
heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because
you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are
pure
doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a
nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten
up. The
world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to
get everyone.
Brother Gatling Gun of Patience notes that he's pretty sure the world is
out
to get him because everyone laughs when he says he is a Unitarian. There
were murmurs of assent around the room, and someone suggested that we buy
some
Congress members and really stick it to the Baptists. But this was deemed
against Revolutionary Principles, and Brother Gatling Gun of Patience was
remanded to the Sunday Flowers and Banners committee.
People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without
warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from
nowhere!
Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies
in the Gandhi Room after the revolution.
Startling new underground group spreads lack of panic! Citizens declare
themselves "relatively unafraid" of threats of undeclared rationality.
People can
still go to France, terrorist leader says.
Michael row the boat ashore, and then get some of the local kids to pull
the
boat onto the dock, and come visit with _jcarroll@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
(mailto:jcarroll@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx) .
Page E - 18
URL: http://sfgate.com/cgi-
bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/04/08/DDG27BCFLG1.DTL
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