[guide.chat] Irish golfer

From: "Harold Kitching" <harold.kitching01@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: "Forum chats guade forum" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Sat, 21 Jan 2012 22:07:24 -0000

 

 

A golfer playing in  Ireland   hooked his 
drive into the woods. Looking for his ball,
he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, 
a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball 
beside him.

Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from 
the cart and poured it over the little guy, 
reviving him.

'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.

'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.

'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square.
Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'

'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer 
answers in relief. 'I don't want anything,
I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.'

And the golfer walks off.

'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself.

I have to do something for him. I'll give him 
the three things I would want... a great golf game, 
all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'

A year goes by and the golfer is back. 
On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into 
the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,
' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, 
how's yer golf game?'

'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. 
I'm an internationally famous golfer now.'
He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're 
all right.'
'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer 
golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money 
situation?'

'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states.
 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket 
and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!'

'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, 
and says shyly, 'It's OK.'

C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 
'I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. 
How many times a week?'

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers,
'Once, sometimes twice a week.'

'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 
'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'

'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for

a Catholic priest in a small parish.' 

 

 

                       LONDON LAWYER       V        GLASGOW COP
(miss-match )

                        A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled
over by a Glasgow copper.

                        He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he
is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better

    education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and
have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!

                         Glasgow cop says,         " Licence and
registration, please."

                        London Lawyer says,     "What for?"

                         Glasgow cop says,        "Ye  didnt  come to a
complete stop at the stop sign."

                        London Lawyer says,    "I slowed down, and no one
was coming"

                         Glasgow cop says,        "Ye still didnt come to a
complete stop.  Licence and Registration, Please."

                        London Lawyer says,   "What's the difference?"

                         Glasgow cop says,       "The difference is, ye have
to come to complete stop, that's the law,  Licence and registration,
please!"

     London Lawyer says,   "If you can show me the legal difference between
slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration;and you give
me the ticket.   If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

                         Glasgow cop says,       "Sounds fair. Exit your
vehicle, sir."

                        The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

                        The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts
beating the f*ck out of the lawyer and says,

                        "Do  you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

  

You will
[guide.chat] Irish golfer

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