[guide.chat] British humour is different

From: "Harold Kitching" <harold.kitching01@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: "Forum chats guade forum" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "Sarah Mellor" <sarah_mellor@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "mrs villa" <mrsvilla4@xxxxxxxxx>, "Keith Wines" <muckyduck2@xxxxxxxxx>
Date: Wed, 11 Jan 2012 22:10:06 -0000

BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT

 

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

 

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife
knows everything.

 
 
 

 
Children Are Quick 
____________________________________ 

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________ 
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. 
__________________________________________ 
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' 
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' 
TEACHER: No, that's wrong 
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. 
(I Love this child) 
____________________________________________ 
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? 
DONALD: H I J K L M N O. 
TEACHER: What are you talking about? 
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. 
__________________________________ 
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have
ten years ago. 
WINNIE: Me! 
__________________________________________ 
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? 
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. 
_______________________________________ 
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' 
MILLIE: I is.. 
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' 
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' 
________________________________ 
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, 
but also admitted it. 
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? 
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... 
______________________________________ 
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? 
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. 
______________________________ 
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your
brother's.. 
Did you copy his? 
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. 

(I want to adopt this kid!!!) 
___________________________________ 
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people 
are no longer interested? 
 HAROLD: A teacher 
__________________________________ 
 PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH 

You will

[guide.chat] British humour is different

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