[STL Geocaching] The Creator and St Francis on the subject of lawns

From: Richard Sheffold <dsheffold@xxxxxxxxxx>
To: GC-maillist <geocaching@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Mon, 01 Apr 2002 19:46:34 -0600

                                              

          


  > >Conversation between the Creator and St Francis on the subject of
  > >lawns
  > >
  > >GOD:  Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the
  > >world is going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the
  > >dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had
  > >a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any
  > >type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The
  > >nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey
  > >bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of
  > >colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
  > >
  > >FRANCIS:  It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The
  > >Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went
  > >to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
  > >
  > >GOD:  Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't
  > >attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms.
  > >It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites
  > >really want all that grass growing there?
  > >
  > >FRANCIS:  Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it
  > >and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass
  > >and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
  > >
  > >GOD:  The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow
  > >really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
  > >
  > >FRANCIS:  Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little,
  > >they cut it -- sometimes twice a week.
  > >
  > >GOD:  They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?
  > >
  > >FRANCIS:  Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it
  > >in bags.
  > >
  > >GOD:  They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
  > >
  > >FRANCIS:  No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
  > >
  > >GOD:  Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it
  > >will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to
  > >throw it away?
  > >
  > >FRANCIS:  Yes, Sir.
  > >
  > >GOD:  These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we
  > >cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the
  > >growth and saves them a lot of work.
  > >
  > >FRANCIS:  You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass
  > >stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to
  > >water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
  > >
  > >GOD:  What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That
  > >was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees
  > >grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the
  > >summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural
  > >blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and
  > >bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the
  > >soil. It's a natural circle of life.
  > >
  > >FRANCIS:  You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn
  > >a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into
  > >great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
  > >
  > >GOD:  No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in
  > >the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
  > >
  > >FRANCIS:  After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy
  > >something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it
  > >around in place of the leaves.
  > >
  > >GOD:  And where do they get this mulch?
  > >
  > >FRANCIS:  They cut down trees and grind them up to make the
  > >mulch.
  > >
  > >GOD:  Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore.
  > >Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you
  > >scheduled for us tonight?
  > >
  > >ST. CATHERINE: 'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a real stupid movie
  > >about...
  > >
  > >GOD:  Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from
  > >Frank.
  > >
  > >
  >




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[STL Geocaching] The Creator and St Francis on the subject of lawns

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