One day the Sunday school teacher asked what part of the body went to heaven first. Susie said, "Your heart, 'cause you need it to love." Richie said, "Your head, 'cause you need it to think." Little Johnny raised his hand and the teacher called on him reluctantly. Little Johnny said, "Your feet." Confused, the teacher asked why. Johnny replied, "I was walking past my mom's room last night and she had her feet in the air and was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!" The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnny. "Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted and the man next door shot himself." Little Johnny's mom was trying to clean the house one day but Johnny would come right behind her and just make another mess. His mom told him to go next door and play at the construction site. She said he may learn something as well. After about three hours, he returns home. His mom asked if he learned anything while he was there. He said, "yes maam"! She asked what and he replied, "well, I learned that the damn door don't hang that way it goes the other way, and the dirt pile doesn't go there, the son of a bitch goes over there, and somebody ordered the wrong fucking windows". His mom immediately told him to go to his room until his father comes home. Later his dad came home and after the mother informing him of what took place, he called him down and asked what he said. "I told mom that the damn door don't hang that way, it goes the other way. And that the dirt pile doesn't go ther, the son of a bitch goes over there, and somebody ordered the wrong fucking windows". His Dad was highly upset. He explained that they didn't use that kind of language in the house. He told the boy to march himself outside and get a switch. Little Johnny turned to his dad and said "Fuck you, thats the electricians job"! One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?" Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up their hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students holds up their hand. "See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?" Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father." Johnny shouts out: "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard." ----------------------- IanUrie@xxxxxxxxxxxxx UIN:84554428 ianurie@xxxxxxxxxxx ----------------------- I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
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