<USS Avalon> "The Talk" by Ensign Cate
- From: Lyryn Cate <wistful_fancy@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: avalon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sun, 30 May 2004 20:01:37 -0700 (PDT)
"The Talk"
Written by Ensign Lyryn Cate
James and Lyryn were shown to an exceptional comfortable suite. The
furnishings were plush and the bed was the type that you just sunk into. They
were even brought a real non-replicated Itallian dinner (the exact things they
had ordered in the restaurant and not yet received!) complete with a bottle of
wine. Admiral Pew had been true to his word - they were treated like guests.
James was still upset over the events of the previous day and how calmly Lyryn
was taking it. He had to remind himself several times that one of the things
he admired most about her was this sense of calm and quiet. Perhaps he was
angrier with her than he had first suspected for dragging him into this mess at
all. He didn't enjoy his dinner, though it was rather tasty, nor did he
partake in more than a glass of the exceptionally fine wine. He intended to
stay awake and sober to think things through.
Lyryn sensed James' stiff demeanor and tenseness. She felt incredibly guilty
for bringing this upon him. It was one thing for her to have irrevocably
changed her life, but she had no right to interfere with his - no matter her
feelings toward him. She had panicked, fearing to live without him. And now
she just may lose him anyway, only having screwed up his future in the process.
The thoughts were tumbling around in her head. Starfleet was the least of her
worries at this point.
Admiral Pew had been kind enough to see that they had clothing provided as
well. Lyryn had showered and changed into the dress they had provided for the
evening's dinner. It was a very deep blue and shimmered with almost
imperceptible sparkles. It was a very elegant, though casual gown. The bodice
and upper sleeves were very snug, clinging to her curves. The skirt flowed
gracefully to the floor and the lower sleeves were as equally flowing. It was
not something that she would've ever chosen for herself, but she had to admit
that she liked the way she looked in it. James had even donned the fresh tunic
they had sent up, but it was obvious that his heart wasn't in it. He had
barely touched his food. It was time they had that talk.
Lyryn knew that James would not instigate it in such a mood, so it was up to
her to bring it all out in the open. She didn't like confrontation of this
sort. Give her a combat opponent any day, please.
James retired to the sofa after eating, still only responding to any polite
converse with monosyllables. Lyryn brought the bottle of wine and the glasses
over to the table in front of the sofa and asked the computer to start the
artificial fire, dimming the lights. She handed James another glass of wine
and sat next to him, legs tucked underneath her. She reached up with her free
hand to play with his hair.
"James, dear, I know you probably don't want to, but we need to talk."
It took him a few moments to respond. "I know."
Since he offered her nothing to go on, she began, "I'm really sorry. I -"
"You've already said that," he interrupted. "I know you mean it, but it
doesn't make it any better." Lyryn dropped her hand from his hair and looked
to her lap. She was truly ashamed for having hurt him like this.
"What can I say?" Maybe it was the tone of her voice or just the frustrations
of it all coming to a head, but James just erupted.
"Say you'll find a way to send us home! Say this has all been one fucked up
dream! Say that you brought me here for a reason! Say something! Say
anything except 'I'm sorry' or that typical silence! Dammit, Lyryn! Would it
kill you to say that you loved me?!" He slammed his glass down on the table
and wine sloshed over his hand. He ignored it however, and placed his head
into his hands. His shoulders were shaking. He was crying.
During his outburst, Lyryn flinched at each of his phrases as if struck. She
had never seen him this way before. Lyryn knew he was upset, but she didn't
realise just how deep the hurt had gone. And love? He wanted a profession of
love? It had never occurred to her really, that his feelings ran that deeply.
Afterall, she had just realised two days ago that her feelings for him were
more dear than just a casual friendship, that they were very close friends.
Her heart broke for his pain. Pain that she had caused.
She placed her glass on the table and wrapped her arms around him, tears in her
eyes. She pulled him close and he fell into the embrace. She stroked his
hair, his temple, his back. It never had occurred to her how much he would be
giving up to have left the future. It was clearly an ill-concieved plan.
Perhaps she was afraid to ask because she was afraid he would've said no. Sure
James was an only child, both his parents deceased, but he had some very good
friends and a bit of extended family. Why should she have decided for him to
leave it all behind? And for her - the girl who never said, "I love you."
"Of course I love you," she whispered, not entirely sure it was quite the way
he had in mind, but she did love him. He sniffed back his tears and turned his
head to look at her. Their faces were only inches apart. He sniffed once
again and smiled a weak smile.
"Does that mean that I can finally kiss you?" he asked after a long pause of
wiping the tears from his face.
Her cheeks tinged slightly, but as an answer, she leaned in to touch his lips
with hers, sharing their first real kiss. A kiss beyond a friendly greeting or
parting. It didn't affect her as she'd hoped, though James seemed
very...pleased. She didn't want to pull away, afraid of how he'd take it. And
the kiss was pleasant, just not how she'd imagined a real first kiss would be
like. Waiting twenty-six or so years for a first kiss, and she'd expected
something a little more...explosive. But it was kissing James. As much as she
cared for him and, well, loved him - she wasn't IN love with him. It was a bit
sad to discover.
However, out of curiosity, or perhaps pity, she continued to fall into the
kiss. It wasn't unpleasant. Actually, it was quite nice and the longer the
kiss deepened with James folding her into his arms, the more she was moved by
him. She felt herself giving into physical desires.
"Do you know how beautiful you are?" he asked, when finally, they had parted
lips. "And this dress...I hope they let you keep it. It is just perfect for
you."
Lyryn smiled, glad he had noticed. He stood and pulled Lyryn to her feet.
Holding her hand, he led her to the bedroom. Unsure about anything anymore,
she allowed him to lead her there. She knew where this was going, but she
didn't really want it to. However, she didn't know how to stop it. So many
thoughts were exploding through her mind - a mushroom cloud of worries, doubts,
fears, guilt. And her body was betraying her - wanting things that she wasn't
so sure were good for her. She was frightened. For the first time in her
life, Lyryn Cate was actually frightened.
She trembled quite violently as James went to undress her. Feeling the shudder
that coursed through her, James just wrapped her tightly from behind in his
arms.
"It's okay, love, we don't have to do anything you aren't ready for." Though
they had never spoken about it, James was pretty sure that Lyryn had never been
involved in any serious relationship before. He wanted everything perfect for
her. And of course, right now, nothing was perfect.
"I - just - can't," she wimpered in broken gasps. "Not now. I don't know -
and I'm scared - and..."
"I said it's okay, Lyryn. Listen to me," he began by turning her to face him,
still holding her in his arms, "I know that things are really out of order, out
of control. Just a few minutes ago I was the one crying." He wiped a tear
from her cheek. "It's okay not to be in control of everything all the time,
Lyryn. I don't think that you understand that. It is okay. Especially with
someone like me. Someone who adores you and wants to care for you. Someone
who loves you." He finished by placing a very sweet kiss upon her lips. She
sank into his embrace.
As they retired for the evening, content to lay in each others arms, Lyryn was
no closer to an answer than before and wondering wether she had made things
even worse.
James smiled his first real smile, thinking that everything was going to be
alright because she did indeed love him.
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