<USS Avalon> Misery's Company
- From: CptKetchum@xxxxxxx
- To: avalon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Thu, 14 Sep 2006 02:53:34 EDT
Misery's Company
by Phillipa Waterson and Cailin Danaan
Phillipa had been back and forth to the stasis units every day. The doctors
knew that she must be going through a tough time, so they had no problem
allowing her to sit for hours staring into the tiny windows at her children.
Losing one baby, and the other two in stasis... Though no one was quite sure
what to do for the young woman, each felt that no new mother should have to
endure such pain.
Today was just like the others: getting up early, eating only one piece of
toast and having barely one gulp of orange juice, and going to sit by the
stasis units. She had stood there before, until one of the orderlies had
brought
her a stool to sit on. It was always there waiting for her when she came in.
So she sat there, looking into the window at the little beings that were her
children.
Suddenly she felt someone watching her. She tried to shake the feeling, but
couldn't. Finally, she turned around, and looked at the woman watching her,
both comforted and annoyed by the sympathetic expression on her slightly
felinoid features. "I'm sorry, can I help you?" she asked. She knew the
woman's
face, but could not place her.
Cailin had watched the young woman from a distance for the last couple of
days, and had decided she'd spent enough time simply observing. While she
completely understood her need to be near her children, she would not soon
begin
the healing process if she didn't properly grieve for the one who had died.
"I'm Cailin Danaan, Miss Waterson," she said slowly. "I am---"
It hit her when Phillipa heard her name. "Ship's Counselor," she finished
for her, turning her attention back to her babies.
Cailin nodded minutely. She had not expected a warm reception. In fact, she
hadn't had a single warm reception since she had joined this crew, which was
not entirely uncommon for one in her profession.
"I'd really like to talk to you about what's happened," Cailin went on
softly. "I know what you're going through."
"No you don't," Phillipa snapped over her shoulder. "No one does."
Cailin pulled over another stool and sat close. She, too, looked at the
tiny, still bodies of the Waterson babies, her voice low as she said,
"Actually,
I do."
Phillipa scoffed. "How could you? You've never been abandoned by the father
of your children, and then gone into extreme pre-term labor only to lose one
out of three with the likelihood of losing the other two unless your body can
be healed enough to return them to you, or some other woman who's a suitable
match can be found who is willing to carry your babies to term for you."
It all came out in a rush. She hadn't intended to say all that, certainly
not to the counselor, but once she had gotten started Phillipa couldn't help
herself. And though she hated to admit it, it had felt good to finally get
what
she was feeling said in words. Before she hadn't been able to put her
feelings into words.
Cailin nodded. "Perhaps I have not had the same experience as yourself, Miss
Waterson," she began, "but I'm going to tell you something I've never told
anyone: I have lost a child."
Curiosity had Phillipa glancing sideways. The counselor's face was
inscrutable, but she could see her eyes were wet with unshed tears.
"I was held captive for over a year during the War," Cailin went on. "I
was...abused. The Cardassians who held me prisoner were more brutal and savage
than most. If I didn't do what they wanted, I got beaten to within an inch of
my life, and then forced to do it anyway. When I'd been there about six
months, I got pregnant."
Curiosity mixed with sympathy and morbid fascination, prompting Phillipa to
ask, "What did your captors do when they found out?"
"They never knew," Cailin replied. "In fact, my medical records don't even
show it because there's no proof. I didn't carry the child long enough."
"Then how can you be certain you were pregnant?" Phillipa found herself
wondering.
Cailin turned to her for a moment, "Because a woman knows, Miss Waterson. I
knew what was happening to me. At first I didn't want it. But then I had to
stop and think that it wasn't the child's fault how he or she had been
conceived. Then all I wanted was to be rescued. I wanted to give the child a
chance.
I got rescued, as you can see, but not before one particularly bad night
that caused me to lose that child."
She looked back at the grieving mother. "So you see, Miss Waterson, I know
what you're going through. I've lost a child whom I will never get to set eyes
on or get to hold or get to know in any way. I've had no one to endure the
pain of that loss with me---I've had to suffer alone. But you don't have to."
Cailin stood then and returned her stool to where she'd gotten it. "I'm not
going to push you. I've seen how much this crew is loathe to come to me to
talk. But I am not going to hesitate to tell you, Miss Waterson, that you need
to. The father of these children may have abandoned you, you may have sadly
lost their brother, and these two still have a tough road ahead of them. But
you are no good as a mother to these two that remain if you do not begin to
heal your emotional self as well as your physical self.
"I'll leave you alone now."
Phillipa said nothing as the counselor walked quietly away. She turned back
to her son and daughter, trying not to think about what the other woman had
said, and not being entirely successful.
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