[adeel420] > TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE christmas

From: LTC <mshaqeel@xxxxxxxxxxx>
To: adeel420@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Tue, 24 Dec 2002 15:42:36 +0000 (GMT)
Merry christmas to everyone who celebrating it.

k,chow,
LTC

> 'Twas the Night before Christmas, and all
> through the shack Not a creature
> was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back. The skoal
cans wuz nailed to
> the screen
> door with care, With hopes that St. Nicholas soon
would be there.
> The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds,
While visions of
> tractor pulls danced in their heads. And Ma in her
nightgown all stained
> with pound cake. Had just settled down to watch
Ricki Lake.
> When out in the driveway, a loud noise I
> heard, I opened the winder to check muh T-bird. I
ran to the door, like
> I's on a mission, But I tripped on some parts from
muh granny's
> transmission. The moon shone outside, the hound dog
wuz
> barkin'. Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz
still out parkin'.
> When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should
> I see But a Chevy S-10, pulled
> by eight flyin' sheep. With a fat nasty driver, so
disgustin' and sick I
> said "Shoot Fire!" That must be St. Nick!
> More rapid than X-lax his wooly sheep came And he
belched
> and he hollered,
> and he called 'em by name.
> Now CLIFFORD! Now VERNON! Now LESTER and ENUS! On
FESTUS! On
> ELMER! On ROSCOE and CLETUS!
> From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins
Now
> Dash Away! Dash
> Away! Dash Away youins!
> I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack. Pud
down muh
> beer and went
> fer muh gun rack. He fell through the roof, plum
killed my dog, I swear
> that ole' Santa looked just like Boss Hog.
> He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front, And his
jeans were
> all bloody
> from that morning's hunt. A big nekkid lady tattooed
on his arm, And he
> wore black boots that he'd picked up in 'Nam. His
eyes, how
> they glazed from too much Wild Turkey. From the side
of his
> mouth hung a stick of beef jerky. A scar on his
cheek from a fight with
> the cops. The veins on his face looked ready to pop.
> The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip He
> wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q
> chips. He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly. I
ain't seen one that
> big since
> muh ex-wife Shelly.
> He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three
And I
> laughed cause that
> redneck was smarter than me. A wink of his eye, a
fierce shake of his
> head, From
> his hair came a rat that ran under the bed. He
reached in his
> sack, sipped his gin and tonic, Then filled the
kid's stockings with
> Hooked on Phonics. His toys came from Big Lots and
they weren't very
> nice But he had lots of them and yuh can't beat the
price.
> He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing
Jingle Bells.
> Some Crisco,
> some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies, And a Nascar
T-shirt in Double X
> size.
> When the presents were gone and he had no more, He
staggered
> and stumbled
> right through muh screen door.
> He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order
"Hurry up
> youins! To the Tennessee border!"
> And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern
drawl,
> "Merry Christmas You Rednecks! Merry Christmas
Y'all!"

> YEEEEEE HAAAAAAA! 


=====


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[adeel420] > TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE christmas

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