[yshavurah] FW: Christmas vs. Chanukah

From: "Daniel Katz-Stein" <Dan@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <yshavurah-repost@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Wed, 30 Jan 2002 22:08:08 -0500

On the lighter side....

>1. Christmas is one day, same day every year. December 25. Jews
>love Dec. 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to movies and
>out for Chinese food. Chanuka is 8 days. It starts the evening of
>the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews
>never know until a non-Jewish friend asks when Chanuka starts,
>forcing us to consult a calendar so we don't look like idiots. We
>all have the same calendar, provided free from some Jewish group,
>kosher deli, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in
>Florida).
>
>2. Christmas is a major holiday. Chanuka is a minor holiday with
>the same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we
>survived, let's eat!
>
>3. Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume,
>stereos... Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or
>the collected works of the Rambam which looks impressive on the
>bookshelf.
>
>4. There is only one way to spell Christmas. No one can decide how
>to spell Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanukka, Channukah, Hanukah, Hannuka.
>
>5. Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and
>boyfriends. Their partners expect special gifts. Jewish men are
>relieved of that burden. No one expects a diamond ring on Chanuka.
>(But don't tell your girlfriends, Christian boyfriends!)
>
>6. Christmas brings enormous electric bills. Candles are used for
>Chanuka. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get
>to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis.
>
>8. Christmas carols are beautiful. Silent Night, Come o Ye
>Faithful. Chanuka songs are about dreidels made from clay or having
>a party and dancing the horah. Of course, we are secretly pleased
>that many of the beautiful carols were composed and written by our
>tribal brethren. And don't Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing
>them beautifully?
>
>9. A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet smell
>of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered around in
>festive moods. A home preparing for Chanuka smells of oil, potatoes
>and onions. The home, as always, is full of loud people all talking
>at once.
>
>10. Women have fun baking Christmas cookies. Women burn their eyes
>and cut their hands grating patotoes and onions for latkes on
>Chanuka. Another reminder of our suffering through the ages.
>
>11. Parents deliver to their children during Christmas. Jewish
>parents have no qualms about withholding a gift any of the eight
>nights.
>
>12. The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names
>such as Mary, Joseph and Jesus. The players in the Chanuka story
>are Antiochus, Judah Maccabee, and Matta whatever. No one can spell
>it or pronounce it. On the plus side, we can tell our friends
>anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our history.
>
>13. Many Christians believe in the virgin birth. Jews think,
>"Joseph, bubela. Snap out of it. Your woman is pregnant, you didn't
>sleep with her, and now you want to blame God. Here's the number of
>my shrink."
>
>14. In recent years, Christmas has become more and more
>commercialized. The same holds true for Chanuka, even though it is
>a minor holiday. It makes sense. How could we market a major
>holiday such as Yom Kippur? Forget about celebrating. Think
>observing. Come to synogogue, starve yourself for 27 hours, become
>one with your dehydrated soul, beat your chest, confess your sins,
>a guaranteed good time for you and your family. Tickets a mere $200
>per person. Better stick with Chanuka.
[yshavurah] FW: Christmas vs. Chanukah

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