This is the funniest one I've heard in a while. I'll throw out mine into the mix... If it goes through. Not sure if it allows jpgs. :) Jen -----Original Message----- From: Henske, Jennifer [mailto:Jennifer.Henske@xxxxxxxxxxxxx] Sent: Wednesday, June 15, 2005 6:43 AM To: thin@xxxxxxxxxxxxx Subject: [THIN] Re: OT: Wednesday humor -- Management Training On oldie but a goodie.... MAJOR U.S. RESEARCH UNIVERSITY DISCOVERS NEW ELEMENT!! The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons. It is also surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than one second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons become neutrons. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that perhaps Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. The hypothetical quantity is referred to as "critical morass". Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. If can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings. Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising. -----Original Message----- From: Tom Howarth [mailto:tom.howarth@xxxxxxxxx] Sent: Wednesday, June 15, 2005 8:03 AM To: thin@xxxxxxxxxxxxx Subject: [THIN] Re: OT: Wednesday humor -- Management Training If it is bad management joke day, have this Dilertesque one A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the man, "but how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost." The man below responded, "You must be a manager." "I am," replied the balloonist, "how did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault." On 15/06/05, Paul Stansel <Paul.Stansel@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote: > Boooo hissss! > > My favorite: > > The Lone Ranger and Tonto just crossed Death Valley. They're hot, > they're tired, and they both want a beer. So they hitch Silver up > outside the saloon and walk inside to have a drink. > > After a couple minutes a man walks in and says "Who owns that silver > horse out there?" > > The Lone Ranger says, "I do, why? > > The man says, "That horse looks like it's about to have heat stroke. > You'd better cool it off." > > The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto and says, "Tonto, be a sport and go > cool Silver off. Try running in circles to create a breeze or > something while I finish my beer." Tonto gives the Lone Ranger a dirty look, then goes outside. > > A few more minutes go by, and another man walks in and asks, "Hey, who > owns that silver horse out there?" > > The Lone Ranger looks up from his second beer and says, "I do, why?" > > The guy says, "I think you left your Injun running." > > Ba dump bump! > > -----Original Message----- > From: Tim Mangan [mailto:tmangan@xxxxxxxxxxxx] > Sent: Wednesday, June 15, 2005 8:39 AM > To: thin@xxxxxxxxxxxxx > Subject: [THIN] OT: Wednesday humor -- Management Training > > An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male > buffalo with the other and says to the waiter, "Want coffee." > > The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." > > He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. After drinking the coffee > down in one gulp, the Indian turns and blasts the buffalo with the > shotgun, then just walks out. > > The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand > pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the > counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee." > > The waiter says, "Whoa, there! We're still cleaning up your mess > from yesterday. What the heck was all that about, anyway?" > > The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for upper management position. > Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean > up, disappear for rest of day." > > Author Unknown > > Timothy Mangan > > Founder, TMurgent Technologies > > tmangan@xxxxxxxxxxxx (+1) 781.492.0403 > > -- Tom at home ******************************************************** This Weeks Sponsor: eg Innovations, Inc. 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