[thereisone] Big Question!

From: Gutman Locks <locks.gutman@xxxxxxxxx>
To: thereisone@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Sun, 15 May 2016 06:21:24 +0300

Big Question!

*Hi* Gutman,

     As I am heading towards the path of dating and I am just wondering how
important your prospective partner’s looks and attractiveness are when
assessing whether someone may be a suitable match for you.

    Different people have suggested a certain girl to me and I have known
of her in the community but I never really thought of her in the dating
sense. She's a very good natured girl and there’s nothing wrong with her as
far as looks are concerned, I just never really felt an attraction to her.

     I'm interested to hear your thoughts on what factors I should be
looking for when dating. How important is a girl’s family? If she has a
source of income? Her looks?

     I'd appreciate your thoughts and any advice on what I've mentioned.

Thanks so much,

Michi

*Gutman’s* response:

Big Question!

     Physical looks are important so that you enjoy seeing her, and also
know that your children will resemble her, so you should like the way she
looks. Even more importantly, your children will most likely act like her,
too. There are some guidelines but the bottom line is that you want to be
with her and do not want to be without her.

     Do not look for lightning; in fact lightning usually comes for the
wrong reason. Assuming all of the basics are in order… basics include, she
is Jewish, Torah available (Kosher to marry), physically and mentally
healthy, kind, cooperative, wants her home to be a Torah home, enjoys
life,…. Then look to see if you share the same goals. How do you want your
home to be kept, spiritually and physically? The wife is in charge of the
home. Does she want a home that you will be happy in? Where would you like
to live? Such things as, do you agree on having guests? Are guests
important or not? Whatever you would like in your life, is it compatible
with what she wants in hers. And yes, even though you are to be the main
supporter of the family, she should be able to help in this, too.

     As for what most young people mistakenly look for when they
date…Love…  love grows when you share life. When Isaac met Rivka, first he
heard the story of what kind of person she was from Avraham’s servant, then
he took her into his mother’s tent. A very wealthy man like Isaac could
have given her a brand new tent but, no …she was to continue in the (tent)
ways of his righteous mother Sarah. He married her. She became his wife.
And he loved her. He was consoled for the loss of his mother.  Love came
later.

     Since you are a Baal Teshuvah you should not make up your mind after
one or two dates but meet with her many times.

     See what type relationship she has with each of her family members,
and do not expect anything different. Remember, people (including you) are
on their best behavior when they are dating. Do not expect anyone to change
for the better after they are married.

     Spiritually: pray for your friends to find good spouses, and then
yours will come quicker. And when you give charity, or do any *mitzvah*,
ask Hashem to guide you in this most important decision.

     Finding the right spouse is one of the three most important decisions
you will ever make in your entire life. The most important is; how to serve
Hashem. Next, how are you to help to make the world a better place (and
receive a proper income from your effort), and third, choosing the one who
will help you to make a Jewish family.

Send me good news.

     ----

To reply; email me directly at:  locks.gutman@xxxxxxxxx

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[thereisone] Big Question!

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