[ SHOWGSD-L ] A Woman's version of the Night Before Christmas

From: DPiagentin@xxxxxxx
To: Showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Sat, 22 Dec 2007 08:10:57 EST
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Happy Holidays, Merry  Christmas , Happy New Year to all, To make this German 
Shepherd  friendly, I am baking real bones for all the dogs, and my 
daughter's five that  are coming for Christmas. Have fun everyone, Diane  P
 
 
 
 
A Woman's Version of  the Night Before Christmas



 

 

T'was the night before Christmas  and all through the kitchen;

I  was cooking and baking and moanin and bitchin.
I've  been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
This  room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
 
Tomorrow  I've got thirty people to feed.
They  expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
My  feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The  cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
 
There's  a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
frosting  drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two  pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
my  cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
 
I've  had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then  in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He  weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then  grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
He  looks all around and with total regret, says,
"What's  taking so long....aren't you through in here yet?"
 
As  quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He  loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
He  flees from the room in terror and pain
and  screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"
 
Now what was I doing, and what is that  smell?
Oh  darn, it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!
I  hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but  I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
 
What  else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
If  this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
Lord,  don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It  just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
 
But  I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year,
You  won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll  hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
and  if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!

 



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[ SHOWGSD-L ] A Woman's version of the Night Before Christmas

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