Reading this articles brings back memories of my mother whose mini strokes
gradually did the same thing to her as Alzheimer's is doing to Bobby. Near
the end, she and I couldn't communicate any more because as a niece of mine
put it, she lost all of her nouns. She would point at whatever she wanted
to communicate about, but she had forgotten that I couldn't see, and she
would get frustrated when I tried to figure out what she was trying to talk
about. Dimentia does seem to have a habit of striking people who used to be
so vibrant: Glen Campbell, former Toronto Maple Leafs broadcaster Foster
Hewitt, author Dean Hughes, and so many more. Thanks for this, Linda.
Devon.
-----Original Message-----
From: ourplace-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx [mailto:ourplace-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx]
On Behalf Of Linda Gehres
Sent: September-19-16 5:35 PM
To: ourplace@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [ourplace] Update On Bobby Vee and Family After Alzheimers
Given the huge Bobby Vee fan I am, I cried when reading this article.
Unfortunately, it confirmed what I had suspected. I'm so grateful to learn
of how he and his family are coping with this horrible disease.
Linda G.
Vee's family hangs on to the memories Dave DeLand ,
ddeland@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ST. JOSEPH 'His presence surrounds you, engulfs you, swirls around you as
that thousand-watt smile radiates from pictures and posters and gold records
that line the walls at Rockhouse Productions studio in downtown St. Joseph.
Bobby Vee is everywhere at Rockhouse ' always happy, always engaging, always
uplifting. That's the essence of his music, and of the man who made it
during a storied six-decade recording career.
He's right there .
And yet he's not.
It's the same feeling Vee's family and friends get when they travel to the
memory care unit in Rogers for a visit.
'You get that one second of, ' Oh, there he is. He's still in there ,' ' son
Tommy Velline said.
'It's brutal. You have to just take him where he's at,' said son Jeff
Velline.
'It's a horrible, horrible thing to witness.
'Watching Dad get diagnosed at 67 just blew us away. That hit us like a
hammer.
Robert Thomas Velline, 73, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease in 2011.
It is in many ways the cruelest affliction 'one that robs victims of their
memories and their social and verbal skills, while forcing families to watch
loved ones wither and fade away before their eyes.
'I tell people it's a harsh disease 'I don't know any other way to
describe it,' said St. Cloud physician Rick Rysavy, Bobby's doctor and close
friend.
'I think it's much harder for the caretakers than it is for the patient.
Vee's Alzheimer's disease progressed dramatically over the last six years.
His wife Karen died in 2015 after years of battling chronic lung disease.
Their caretakers 'sons Jeff, Tommy and Robby, daughter Jenny and their
families ' have been through the wringer, just like all families affected by
Alzheimer's.
'It was a tough road,' said Jeff Velline, 51. 'There's no sugarcoating it.
'Our dad is in memory care now, so (the burden) is not what it was a year
and a half ago,' said Tommy Velline, 49. 'But for those that are still
(dealing with home care), it's brutal. It's an every-day thing.
Tommy Velline and Bobby Vee share a hug during a recent visit at The
Wellstead of Rogers & Diamond Crest memory care facility. (Photo: Courtesy
of Tommy
Velline)
The Vellines' immersion into the wrenching emotions associated with the
disease prompted them to help organize Rock for Alzheimer's, a musical
fundraising event
Sept.'24 at Bad Habit Brewing in St. Joseph.
'What I would like to see this thing become is an event for the families of
Alzheimer's patients,' said Tommy Velline, whose family band (The Killer
Vees)
will be joined by Slip Twister, Collective Unconscious and Walter's
Wheelhouse from 1-8 p.m. Saturday.
'Those people need a party, man.
It's a tangible way for the Vellines to strike back at the disease that
ravaged their dad. The family he's leaving behind is still coping with the
fallout.
'You just can't believe this is your life,' Jeff Velline said. 'Well, this
is our life now. This is the deal.
'It's a death sentence,' Tommy Velline said. 'How do you comprehend that? It
takes time.
Start of the journey
Fargo native Bobby Vee was 15 when he burst into the national limelight on
'The Day the Music Died' ' Feb. 3, 1959, when a plane crash claimed the
lives of Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and The Big Bopper (J.P. Richardson)
and left the 'Winter Dance Party'in Moorhead without a headline performer.
Vee fronted a band hastily assembled to fill in that night, launching a pop
career that included 38 Top 100 hits and seven gold records. But he never
forgot his roots.
'He was such a regular guy that you didn't really realize what a big star he
was,' said Rysavy, who met Vee when he moved his young family to St. Cloud
from Los Angeles in 1980. 'The guy's amazing.
They soon became fast friends. Rysavy has Vee's artwork ' he's also an
accomplished painter ' sprinkled around his St. Cloud home.
Bobby Vee's painting of the Cotswolds in England has a prominent place on
the mantle of his close friend, Dr. Rick Rysavy of St. Cloud. (Photo: Dave
DeLand,
ddeland@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)
'It's been so hard,' Rysavy said, his voice cracking with emotion while
discussing his friend's disease.
'I'll cry. I usually don't cry very often.
It's the last disease most people would associate with a healthy, vibrant,
artistic and outgoing performer with no family history of Alzheimer's.
'It's the fact that it came out of the blue that gives us a little bit of
hope,'
Jeff Velline said, 'that it's not coming right down the gene pool (at us).
"You just don't think it's going to happen to you.
Vee's family and friends were the first to see Alzheimer's coming.
Eventually, he did too.
'Bob is navigating this part of his journey with as much courage and class
as we could hope for,' Rysavy said, again fighting back tears.
Jeff Velline calls it grace. This is one of the things that'll stick with me
forever, and impressed me the most about the level of grace he rode through
this with,' he'said.
'Here he is, dealing with this thing ' degenerative, progressive, horrible '
but he was never the whining guy. He was always the least squeaky wheel on
the planet in the first place, and it kinda stayed that way ... .
'Until it just got to where he couldn't.
Warning signs
Family and friends began seeing signs seven or eight years ago ' subtly at
first, then not nearly so.
'Very occasionally, he started to forget a word here and there ' to songs he
had literally done thousands of times,' Rysavy said.
'We had the amazing ability to say, 'Ah, it's not that . He's tired,' '
said Tommy Velline, who along with Jeff and Robby toured extensively with
their dad. 'Because we had no history of it, you think it can't be that .
Bobby saw it, too. Initially, he didn't let on. The A-word went unspoken.
'We know he noticed it. He didn't say anything,' Jeff Velline said. 'He
didn't know what was happening. It was a really strange progression.
And then things got worse. Much worse.
Bobby Vee's son, Jeff Vee talks Tuesday, Aug. 30, 2016, at the family
business, Rockhouse Productions in St. Joseph. His father, famous area rock
star and musician Bobby Vee, is suffering from Alzheimer's disease. (Photo:
Kimm Anderson, kanderson@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)
'Watching him lose his confidence was the hardest thing for me,' Tommy
Velline said. 'For a guy that was such a master at what he did to lose the
ability to do that and not know what was happening, that was really hard.
'We did a show the summer of 2010 in Lexington, Kentucky,' Jeff Velline
said.
'Before that show, he was OUT OF IT .
'He got through the show, but it was the creepiest show we ever did. He was
just so lost throughout it.
The Vellines hurried home to Minnesota after that show, and Bobby went
directly to the University of Minnesota Medical Center for evaluation.
'They did all the scans and tests. We prayed for all other outcomes,' Jeff
Velline said. 'He clearly was struggling and frustrated.
'When I got home from that appointment, I smashed a teapot on our glass
stove and trashed it. Then I worked on pulling it together from that point.
The Vellines struggled through an awkward Christmas season, then unveiled
the diagnosis at a family meeting.
'We finally got the family together after the holidays 'it was early January
of 2011,' Jeff Velline said. 'And we dropped the bomb.
Posters from past Joetown Rocks! events featuring Bobby Vee adorn a wall at
Rockhouse Productions in St. Joseph. The poster at right from July 3, 2011,
is the last time Bobby Vee was featured at the event. He was already
suffering from Alzheimer's disease. (Photo: Kimm Anderson,
kanderson@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)
A new reality
Ironically, Bobby Vee's initial response to his Alzheimer's diagnosis was
relief.
'When he got diagnosed, one of his first reactions to it was, 'Thank God '
now I know what's going on,' ' Jeff Velline said. 'That was an odd sort of
reaction.
Who would say, 'Thank God'?
'Everybody knows now. We can start dealing with this reality, instead of me
by myself just trying to flounder my way through this.
Still, the diagnosis changed everything. It's hard to know what to do.
Acceptance does not come easily.
'When he was first diagnosed, you do all the research and you're up all
night reading the internet and trying to find the magic bullet ' which
doesn't exist,'
Tommy Velline said.
'It's unrelenting,' Rysavy said of the disease. 'The key is going to be to
figure out how to decrease this plaque formation that doesn't allow (nerve
cells)
to function properly.
Bobby and Karen Velline moved to their newly built retirement home in Tucson
to convalesce ' Bobby with Alzheimer's, Karen with the life-threatening lung
condition that dominated her final years.
'They were together 51 years,' Jeff Velline said. 'I saw some of the most
tender moments between them that I ever saw in that last handful of years.
And then, somehow it got worse.
No words
Bobby Vee ' singer, entertainer, husband, father, friend ' quickly lost his
ability to speak.
'Early on in his disease, he got this type of aphasia that affected his
ability to talk,' Jeff Velline said. 'He knew what he wanted to say, but he
couldn't spit it out.
'He just stopped talking. I would be kicking a wall, probably ' I'd just be
so frustrated. You can't just say something simple.
Karen Velline fought a daily battle to stay alive, and did so by the
narrowest of margins.
'Bob's declining. Karen is end-stage lung disease with multi-system
failure,'
Rysavy said. 'She had a lung transplant, (and) two-plus years later she's on
her death bed.
The stress on their caretakers? Unimaginable. Unceasing. Unrelenting.
Bobby Vee's sons, Jeff Velline and Tommy Velline, hold gold records and
posters Tuesday, Aug. 30, 2016, amid the plethora of memorabilia at the
family business, Rockhouse Productions in St. Joseph. Their dad, famous
recording artist Bobby Vee, is suffering from Alzheimer's disease. (Photo:
Kimm Anderson,
kanderson@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)
'Believe me, I've howled at the moon many times ' especially in that first
year,' Jeff Velline said.
'That's what kills me more than anything, kind of questioning the Maker.
'Sorry, this is bad enough. Do you really have to put him through that? '
'I don't think either of us are cut from that 'poor me' cloth,' Tommy
Velline said. 'But you get to those points late in the day, where you're
just sitting there. It got to be a full-time job taking care of them.
'At the end of the day, when they're finally both in bed and you get that 10
minutes before you pass out, you just go, 'Gawd.'
Karen Velline spent her final days in palliative care at the U of M hospital
before her kidneys finally gave out. She died Aug. 3, 2015, sending her
husband into an even deeper spiral.
'It caused a major decline that he never rebounded from,' Jeff Velline said.
'Within two months of her passing, we were in this assisted (living) place.
'But there was nothing else we could do.
Fighting back
On Sept. 15, 2015, Bobby Vee moved to The Wellstead of Rogers &
Diamondcrest, a senior living community that specializes in Alzheimer's and
dementia care.
'The kids have done a nice job of decorating his room,' Rysavy said.
'They've got one of his gold records. They've got his guitar, and pictures
of his car.
They've also got a little more spare time, prompting their involvement in
the Sept. 24 benefit.
'Now I'm feeling we need to do more of that,' Jeff Velline said, 'because
this horrible disease just kicked our ass all over the universe and back
again.
The Vellines finally have an opportunity to promote Alzheimer's awareness
and generate funds for research. It's about all they can do at this point.
'You kind of come around to the cliche that you don't really know what
you're made of until you're put to the test,' Jeff Velline said. 'You find
it deeper '
you're made of more than you realize.
Their dad remains the inspiration for those efforts, and for that resolve.
Their dad remains. It's always tough to leave after a visit to Rogers.
He's still there
There's still a presence in Bobby Vee, still a light on in there.
'Even now, he still recognizes faces,' Rysavy said. 'He just lights up when
people he knows come in. He's just the classiest guy. Still.
'You still get a laugh out of him,' Jeff Velline said. 'You still get a big
hug.
And you just take it while you can get it.
Aphasia has robbed Bobby of virtually all his linguistic ability. But he has
three words left.
'The one thing he can still say,' Rysavy recounted, once again choking back
tears, 'is, 'I love you.'
'He literally struggles to put two words together,' Tommy Velline said, 'but
he can get those three out every time ' which is amazing.
'He couldn't say anything else all day. But when it came time to leave, he
gave everybody a big hug and said, 'I love you.'
That's what his family is hanging on to ' those little gems, those decades
of glittering memories, not the harsh realities of the present.
'With a disease like Alzheimer's, you can't let your memories be about
that,'
Jeff Velline said. 'Your memories tend to be your most recent memory.
You
can't live there.
Instead, the Vellines are living for the memories that line the walls at
Rockhouse. It's all they have now.
'The biggest heartbreak is looking at those pictures and thinking of what
the grandkids aren't able to have, and arguably should have had for
another
10 years at least,' Jeff Velline said as he looked at the smiling face on
those pictures and posters.
Bobby Vee is still there. And yet he's not.
'I guess when you're dealing with this reality,' Jeff Velline said, 'nothing
else matters much except people and relationships.
'And time. It's a heartbreaker.
Contact Times columnist Dave DeLand at 255-8771 or by email at
ddeland@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx . Follow him on Twitter @davedeland and on Facebook
at Dave DeLand SC Times.
Two Alzheimer's experts and three people whose families have been
dramatically affected by the disease constitute the panel for "Ask the
Experts about Alzheimer's," a live discussion starting at 1:30 p.m.
Wednesday, Sept. 21, at www.sctimes.com.
Experts Debbie Richman and'Katrice Sisson will be joined by Jeff Velline,
Tommy Velline and Eric Linn of Avon, who will share insights of their
families'
Alzheimer's struggles. Richman is'vice president of education and outreach
for the Minnesota-North Dakota chapter of the Alzheimer's Association, and
Sisson is the local community engagement manager for the organization.
Readers can submit questions by email to discussion moderator Dave DeLand
at'ddeland@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, or by going'to www.sctimes.com/chat and
clicking on "Ask the Experts about Alzheimer's.
Four prominent area bands will be featured at "Rock for Alzheimer's,"
starting at 1 p.m. Saturday, Sept.24, at Bad Habit Brewing in St. Joseph.
Slip Twister, Collective Unconscious, Walter's Wheelhouse and The Killer
Vees will perform from 1-8 p.m. at the event, which was devised to raise
awareness and funds for Alzheimer's care, support and research.
Donations will be accepted at the door, and proceeds from food and beverage
sales are being donated as well. Non-alcoholic beverages will be available,
and all ages are welcome.
For more information, contact Aaron Rieland at Bad Habit, 320-402-4442 or
aaronrieland@xxxxxxxxx.
Also on Sept. 24: The Walk to End Alzheimer's fundraiser begins at 9 a.m. at
Lake George.
---
This email has been checked for viruses by Avast antivirus software.
https://www.avast.com/antivirus
You are subscribed to Ourplace (
ourplace@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
). To unsubscribe, send blank email with "unsubscribe" in the subject line;
do not include quotation marks:
ourplace-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
. To contact the owner or moderator, send email to
ourplace-moderators@xxxxxxxxxxxxx . Please do not put your complaints on the
list. Thanks for your cooperation!
You are subscribed to Ourplace (
ourplace@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
). To unsubscribe, send blank email with "unsubscribe" in the subject line; do
not include quotation marks:
ourplace-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
. To contact the owner or moderator, send email to
ourplace-moderators@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
. Please do not put your complaints on the list. Thanks for your cooperation!
