[nasional_list] [ppiindia] Women Shy Away From Men Who Wear the Scarlet 'D'

From: "Ambon" <sea@xxxxxxxxxx>
To: <"Undisclosed-Recipient:;"@freelists.org>
Date: Sat, 11 Mar 2006 10:09:37 +0100
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**http://www.arabnews.com/?page=1&section=0&article=79042&d=11&m=3&y=2006

            Saturday, 11, March, 2006 (10, Safar, 1427)


                  Women Shy Away From Men Who Wear the Scarlet 'D'
                  Arab News
                 
                    
                  RIYADH, 11 March 2006 - Tahani Al-Ghofaily laughs vigorously 
when asked if she would ever consider marrying a divorced man. To her, any man 
who has gone through a failed marriage might as well sew a big scarlet "D" on 
their clothing because, to her, they are marked men.

                  "I can never consider the thought of marrying a divorced man 
under any circumstance," the young, single Saudi woman said with a smile. "His 
former marriage experience will always haunt him. From my point of view, 
divorced men become suspicious, dominating creatures always thinking that by 
playing the family policeman they will save themselves from going through 
another bad marriage experience. I, as a female, would definitely be his victim 
if I chose to marry him."

                  In a report published recently in Asharq Al-Awsat newspaper, 
Al-Ghofaily expressed a growing sentiment among Saudi women that a failed 
previous marriage is a red flag warning for all brides-to-be to consider before 
tying the knot: The man has already tied once unsuccessfully.

                  And, since the divorce rate in Saudi Arabia is higher than 
it's ever been, this means a lot more red flags to women who frown on divorced 
men. 

                  "Nowadays, divorced men are rejected more than ever," said 
another single woman, Haifa Othman. "A divorced man is a person with a bad 
experience, which means that if I accepted him as a husband for myself I am 
going to suffer from his comparison between his ex-wife and me. Basically, he 
can never be just a normal guy."

                  But on the side that defends divorced men is Nadj Fares, 
another of the young ladies-in-waiting. She believes that a man's divorce 
experience makes him more self-aware. Fares said that a man with experience in 
a previous marriage is likely to avoid the behavior that puts marriage in 
jeopardy, such as understanding, listening to, and constructively communicating 
with his new wife as a partner rather than a subordinate. 

                  Still, according to the report, women tend to express disdain 
for previously married men, especially those that have extra baggage and 
financial burdens left over from the previous marriage. 

                  "Having children makes men obliged to take care of them 
financially, which is something I don't have to accept or even consider 
thinking about," said Fadiah Al-Marwan, another single woman. 

                  Kawthar Abdul Razzaq said she would demand as much accurate 
information as possible if a man who was previously married were ever to court 
her. And even then, she said, his chances would be very slim. 

                  "I would need to know the reasons that led the couple to get 
a divorce," said Kawthar. "Unfortunately, our society blames women always for 
divorce. How am I supposed to know what I need to know about the divorced man? 
I can't of course question his ex-wife so I will never think of marrying a 
divorced man, especially if he has children," 

                  Huda Al-Mutairy, a social scientist, said that both men and 
women carry the stigma of divorce. "Divorce has its negative influence on both 
men and women. In our community, we are used to blaming the woman and pitying 
her as if she's the only loser in the divorce case. But we also build immunity 
around the divorced man that is totally fake and unacceptable," said Al-Mutairy.

                  "In many studies it has been proven that men and women 
experience equal damage whether psychologically or socially after divorce. Some 
researches provided information about divorced men encountering more 
psychological and physical damage than women. They have the tendency to commit 
suicide just to get over their failure."

                  Arab men in general and Saudi men in particular, according to 
Al-Mutairy, suffer from divorce, especially if the wife is the one who demanded 
it. This alone is a reason for the man to lie and pretend to be someone he is 
not; he wants to clarify that he is the one who divorced his wife, defending 
his manhood and superiority. More conflict is created as a result of social 
reality that forces him to live in the shadow hiding his sadness and grief. 

                  Jana Ahmed, a psychiatrist, advises divorced men to be 
well-mannered. What has happened can never be changed unless a person is keen 
on making the best out of his future. He must focus on eliminating the feeling 
of failure and improve his self-esteem to overcome his past experience.

                  A person with character can make the best of any bad 
situation, including the scarlet "D
                 
           
     


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



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[nasional_list] [ppiindia] Women Shy Away From Men Who Wear the Scarlet 'D'

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