[mea] erectile (writing) dysfunction
- From: "Frazer, Cheri" <Cheri.Frazer@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "MEA (E-mail)" <mea@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 6 Sep 2002 10:44:59 -0500
WARNING: shrinking violets and chaste maidens should delete this =
message
immediately! This was posted on the EAC list today and I'm *still* =
laughing.
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
I received the following on a writers' list and thought some here might
appreciate it. WARNING: some may consider this too...earthy...for their
tastes. If lighthearted discussion of functional male anatomy offends =
you,
pass this one by. But if you've ever edited (or written) a sex scene, =
you
should like this.
Marg
> Jim pauses in his latest endeavor and frowns. After
> a moment's contemplation, he saves his work and firmly closes his new =
> fantasy G4 titanium PowerBook. After a meditative sip of his drink,=20
> he addresses those around him. "There are some literary subjects that =
> have become total clich=E9 and attempting to describe an erect penis =
is=20
> one.=20
>=20
> "I am writing a sex scene and my hero is now crossing the room while=20
> fully erect. So, basically, his stiff dick is bobbing like a demented =
> conductors baton as he crosses the room ... however, one cannot=20
> simply write, 'He crossed the room, his stiff dick bobbing like ...'
> and so forth. Well, one could if one was writing that sort of scene=20
> (and one was half plastered), but this one cannot.=20
> "To write anything referring to his 'turgid manhood' is also somewhat =
> tacky. Hell, just the term 'manhood' to describe the penis strikes me =
> as idiotic. A dick is no more one's 'manhood' than a hymen is one's=20
> 'maidenhood.'
> =20
> "'He strutted across the bedroom, his hard manhood pointing the way'=20
> sounds somewhat he owns a badly named seeing-eye dog. 'Sit, Hard=20
> Manhood ... good boy.'=20
>
> "Just describing the state of erection is
> tough. It is a simple matter of erectile flesh and hydraulics, but=20
> damnably difficult to put into terms romantic. 'His penis, reacting=20
> to his viewing her naked flesh, achieved satisfactory erection,=20
> proving good vascular response and socio/psychological adjustment.'=20
> Oh, yeah ... baby, baby.
>=20
> "Terms like 'throbbing,' 'pulsing' and all other variations of this=20
> nature make it sound as if the silly thing had a blood pressure cuff=20
> wrapped around it. 'His fleshy organ quickly surged into full=20
> alertness, throbbing and pulsing and otherwise scaring the **** out=20
> of him.' When I envision something throbbing, I imagine an action=20
> somewhat akin to a bullfrogs throat sack as it croaks. THROB! =
Frankly,
> with this in mind, if my dick ever took to throbbing, I'd call a=20
> doctor. Matter of fact, I would think that any woman, faced with an=20
> actively throbbing pulsing penis, would be somewhat concerned as=20
> well. (I don't know this for a fact, though ... Dian says that in=20
> certain situations, the sight is somewhat exciting, but the first=20
> time she experienced this situation, she looked for a stick to kill=20
> it with.)
>=20
> "And then there is the matter of size, shape, color and texture.=20
> Well, he's the hero ... I suppose it should be heroic, but somewhat
> shy of practical joke size. Shape, now, there's another difficulty .. =
> as well as color and texture. Hell, let's face it ... a dick is a=20
> fairly funny looking, if not downright ugly, piece of equipment.=20
> Veins, bumps, ridges and all that; a color that never matches the=20
> sheets, much less the surrounding flesh (or any flesh, for that=20
> matter); an overall look of a plum precariously balanced on a
> badly whittled rod. Let's not even mention it and simply stick to the =
> concept of a literary description of my hero approaching the heroine. =
>=20
> "Okay, he's naked and fully aroused ... does he stride? Stalk? Strut? =
> Strikes me as a situation that calls for something more than 'walk,'=20
> but something less than 'bound.' I could have the silly sod moonwalk=20
> across the floor, but the resulting mental image ... damn, too late!=20
> Oh, well...another round of therapy. And what does the erect penis=20
> actually do while he crosses the floor? Does it bounce against
> his belly, producing it's own applause? Does it wave about in some=20
> sort of vague response to his stride? Would it be feasible if I=20
> simply had him hang a towel from the damn thing and skip the entire=20
> description?=20
>=20
> "And what about the heroine? She is languidly reclining on the=20
> bed...and doing her level best to not bust a gut laughing, I suspect. =
> Should she stare? Gasp? Giggle? Ogle? Chant 'boingy, boingy, boingy'=20
> as he approaches or whistle the 'Elephant Walk' in time to the=20
> swaying? This is supposed to be a moment of strong passion and deep
> emotions... but a bouncing, throbbing, column of manhood slowly=20
> moonwalking forward...damn, gotta stop that image ... strutting=20
> towards her cannot be what every woman dreams of in her fevered=20
> imagination. I want this scene to be equally stirring to both men and =
> women, but fear that this is impossible."
>=20
> Sailor Jim stares into the fire for a moment, then opens his=20
> PowerBook once more. "Screw it ... or, rather, let's not. I'll simply =
> segue from her starting to slip out of her clothes to the morning=20
> after. Y'know, the standard story cop-out. Thanks for letting me talk =
> this one through."=20
Other related posts:
