[lit-ideas] Names in the News

From: David Ritchie <ritchierd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Wed, 9 Nov 2011 10:25:23 -0800
Names are, of course, not destiny; there's no point thinking, "Had we but named 
our daughter Joe Frazier, she might have been a contender."  And yet, sometimes 
one wonders.  Take the name Tequila, for example.  If you name your daughter 
Tequila, what opportunities in life may you be closing off?  Not, it turns out, 
the opportunity to become one of Portland's finest and to make war on folk in 
Old Town.  Portland is currently facing a lawsuit, filed by a card-carrying 
member of the ACLU--apparently there are indeed cards, which remind citizens of 
their rights.  "You do not have to consent to a search of yourself or your 
belongings," says the card, adding that people who have not been arrested may 
calmly exit a conversation with the police.

"Ha!" is what you're thinking.  Officer Tequila Thurman did not like the fact 
that Jose Gasque and his former college buddy were sitting on a curb.  She ran 
criminal background checks on them, which came up clean.  She patted them down 
for weapons; no resistance.  She said she wanted to go through their pockets.  
Jose pulled out his ACLU card and refused.  His buddy agreed to the search.  
Jose went to jail; his buddy did not.  The judge threw out the case against 
Jose and Portland now faces a lawsuit for $180,000...false imprisonment etc.

Meanwhile, our local seafood restaurant chain has been taken over by Tilman 
Fertitta, of Houston, and the Russians are attempting to reach Phobos, a moon 
of Mars, with something called the Phobos-Grunt craft.

But the most important stories of the day are of two double transactions, 
neither or which seems to have much connection with the names of those 
involved, proving, beyond much doubt at all, my original proposition.  In the 
first, a Canadian couple, Victor and Ann Giesbrecht stopped to help two women 
outside Menomonie, which is in Wisconsin.  They were changing a tire.  When the 
work was done, they all drove on, Giesbrechts to the fore.  Suddenly the 
Giesbrecht vehicle pulls over.  Victor is in cardiac arrest.  One of the women 
they helped, Sara Berg (this is an all-German tale; the other woman was Lisa 
Meier) is a nursing assistant.  She administered CPR.  Victor survived.

In the second story Meghan Fleming, 26, gave $5 to a panhandler in Salem, OR.  
Something about the gesture didn't sit well with her, so she took out a pellet 
pistol and demanded her money back.  On Monday she pleaded guilty to 
third-degree robbery.  The court is deciding whether this shall be treated as a 
felony or a misdemeanor.  If it's a felony she will be prevented from 
continuing in her work as a caregiver for a relative.

Carry on.

David Ritchie,
warming to his tasks in
Portland, 
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[lit-ideas] Names in the News

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