>It makes me wonder that if it's so wonderful being young, why must being >young be mood altered? Makes me all the happier to be 56. I was wondering about this just yesterday. "Primarily -- why don't I want to grow up?" I'm reminded of a line from a song that says "we're only immortal for a limited time." How wonderfully paradoxical! I think this "limited" time has a span that largely depends on the person choosing to acknowledge their dreadful mortality. For most of us, we eventually find ourself walking down Rue De Wakening with a healthy dose of realite in the form of a friend's death, a parent's death, a child's death, or some other stark reminder that people DO die -- including us. <neck-breaking segue> I have a small engineering consulting business. Our customers are mainly manufacturing facilities who need help renovating/modifying existing chemical/physical processes of one sort or another. The common ingredient: they all make distractions: distractions from this sad, wretched life which can be very fulfilling if you don't stop to wonder about it. And I help them (the producers of our excellent distractions) do it more efficiently and more economically. Anyway, last morning, I was out on a trip to a local spirits manufacturer (Crown Royal, Seagrams etc) and as I was inspecting the roof beams and deciding where to run conduit, I began to do some rough calculations about how MUCH people really like alcohol. It's not just sprogs in their 20s. This place was bottling 250 (26 ounce) bottles per minute on ONE of their filling lines and they have five different lines. This amounts to a street value of about 1.5 Million dollars an hour. And they run 24/6. And this is just one little plant for only about 20 different drinks. In a fit of Donneian epiphany, I suddenly realized that I have a serious mental problem -- I'm conscious. And for every micro-second that I AM and I don't have something else to think about, I think about the fact that I'm conscious. It's horrible and so I try to distract myself. Yes, it took 38 years for me to actually pin-down what this tortuous feeling is; but I'm glad I did. Don't "they" say that "realizing the problem is the first step in solving it"? But I don't recommend it to anyone, so, if you are reading this email, please don't try to understand it or it will mean the end of what you used to try and substantiate as "my life". It's not yours. On Tuesday, I'm going to a factory that makes gel-caps -- medication. I'm sure THAT will also blow my mind. There's another song about meaningless pursuit of fame and fortune for one cover. To quote Shel Silverstein (a la Dr. Hook) perhaps my "mind's already been blown -- Like the blow that'll get ya when ya getting your picture on the cover of the Rolling Stone." But at least they are working TOWARDS something. The fact is (if I am permitted to use such macho, scientific words) that a lot of people need a constant impediment to the realization that they are alive. Because that means that they are going to die. And that is scary shit. It's ironical, scary shit that we waste our life worrying about dying. In "The Shawshank Redemption", Morgan Freeman's character "Red" lives by the credo "Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'". I guess that's very optimistic for a lifer. Hell, most of us who are "free" don't even want that chance. We are doing life, but not the right way. Of course, as we have seen in the last week, it's all meaningless. I never wanted to be a model, but I sure am maudlin today. working on my blowing my mind, still looking for a father figure (but not George Michael), between drinks, I'm a rolling stone p ########## Paul Stone pas@xxxxxxxx Kingsville, ON, Canada ------------------------------------------------------------------ To change your Lit-Ideas settings (subscribe/unsub, vacation on/off, digest on/off), visit www.andreas.com/faq-lit-ideas.html