You don't want to know, Julie.. Judy Evans jaye@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > -----Original Message----- > From: lit-ideas-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx > [mailto:lit-ideas-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx]On Behalf Of JulieReneB@xxxxxxx > Sent: 14 May 2004 20:29 > To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx > Subject: [lit-ideas] Re: 5 Short Stories > > > <<bucket shop hernia repair >> > I just *have* to ask what this means.... > > Julie Krueger > > ========Original Message======== > Subj:[lit-ideas] Re: 5 Short Stories > Date:5/13/2004 11:37:15 PM Central Daylight Time > From:ritchierd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx > To:lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx > Sent on: > > on 5/13/04 9:52 AM, Stephen Straker at straker@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx wrote: > > > > (They read very like the Tales of David Ritchie. How odd.) > > > When I was last in England, one of my filial duties was to deliver my > deceased mother's car to my brother. Apart from the ancient > Honda Civic's > automatic transmission's odd, sticky love of second gear, and my younger > daughter's interesting way with map instructions, there's > nothing to report > to literary and influential folk like yourselves about the journey up. > > To come down from Derby in a car-less manner involves either a > long walk, or > the buying of tickets. I opted for ticket buying, but as the > fellow in one > of Stephen Straker's forwarded stories discovers, walking may be simpler. > > Option one, was to fly. Believe it or not, you can now fly from some > airport in the Midlands to Gatwick for more or less sixpence. > All a person > has to do is book in advance, and then get up at three in the morning and > line or queue up at the EasyJet counter for umpteen hours of checking in. > With airport taxes and slick runway fees, the tickets come to, in today's > dollars, somewhere between the equivalent of a bucket shop > hernia repair and > the mental cost of a very severe cold. > > Option two is very cheap; one could take the bus. I've gone off > buses. I > remember one time when it took me thirty or more hours to go > from London to > Kyle of Lochalsh. This time included hours spent stuck on foggy moors in > the middle of nowhere, Lowlands-of-Scotland, on a broke coach. > > Option three was to travel by trusty train. All one (or in our > case, two) > needed was a ticket, or tickets. Like the fellow in the > Guardian story, I > tried the internet. The British have a website called something > like, Jump > the Queue dot com, which in grand British tradition offers "discount" > tickets that are, in fact, marked up. No joy there. > > Next stop, the trusty local station. It turns out that the > ticket office is > no longer person'd in the middle of the day. Back again, later. > "What does > a single from Derby to here cost...?" The man got down a five inch thick > book and began to leaf through the pages. > "Have you no computers," I asked. > "Haven't got round to them." > This was not some halt near Lord Emsworth's castle. This was a > station with > four platforms, half an hour from central London. Queen > Victoria once trod > its steps. > The man discovered that I was eligible for a supersaver or a > daysaver or a > knowspicker or something like that. Trouble was, you couldn't > buy that kind > of ticket at his station. > "How much would I save?" > "Twenty quid." > "Where do I go?" > It turned out that Waterloo was, as they say, "my best bet." > Once there, I > lined or queued up, got to the front, asked the kind lady for a ticket to > Derby. > "Don't sell those here. You have to queue up at window A." > I did as I was told. Well actually there wasn't much queuing to be done. > As it happened, I was the only person in front of window A. Problem was, > there was no one *behind* window A. I returned to the first > lady's window. > "Er, there's no one there." > She looked five windows down, a distance of about ten feet. > "I wonder where he's gone." > "Could you perhaps go and find him?" > And, you know, she did. Very helpful. It turned out that the > only person > qualified to sell tickets from London to Derby was in the > toilet. When he > emerged, I bought the tickets. > > The man said that I could get from Derby to London, take the tube across > London, catch another train at London Bridge and be at my > father's house in > three and a half hours. In the way of things, what with the > ticket buying > difficulties and deep knowledge of how trains in Britain run, I was > sceptical. But, you know, he was quite right. > > David Ritchie > Portland, Oregon > > ------------------------------------------------------------------ > To change your Lit-Ideas settings (subscribe/unsub, vacation on/off, > digest on/off), visit www.andreas.com/faq-lit-ideas.html > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------ > To change your Lit-Ideas settings (subscribe/unsub, vacation on/off, > digest on/off), visit www.andreas.com/faq-lit-ideas.html > ------------------------------------------------------------------ To change your Lit-Ideas settings (subscribe/unsub, vacation on/off, digest on/off), visit www.andreas.com/faq-lit-ideas.html