[guispeak] Re: FW: A Little Screen Reader Humor
- From: Dorothea Martin <dotty-martin@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: guispeak@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Wed, 05 Apr 2006 21:33:37 +0200
Hello, Andy,
That's one for the books. How much does the shark's new sight replacement
program cost Uncle Sam? Or me?
Dotty Martin
At 20:31 04/04/06 -0700, you wrote:
>
>THIS IS FUNNY.
>ANDY
>
> FT. WAYNE, INDIANA... FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE. GW MICRO IS PLEASED TO
> ANNOUNCE THE RELEASE OF WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS. THIS EXCITING NEW PRODUCT
>
> WILL REVOLUTIONIZE SCREEN READING TECHNOLOGY. SCREEN READING HAS NEVER
> BEEN EASIER. WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS PROVIDES YOU THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS
> - THE POWER OF JAWS AND THE EASE OF USE OF WINDOW-EYES.
> WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS READS WHAT JAWS ALONE WILL NOT, PROVIDES EASE OF
> USE JAWS CANNOT, AND GIVES ACCESS TO SETTINGS THAT NO ONE CAN FIND IN
> JAWS. "SOME PEOPLE ASKED US WHY WE'D RELEASE A SCREEN READER FOR A
> SCREEN READER," SAID DAN WEIRICH OF GW MICRO. BUT IF THEY HAD EVER USED
>
> JAWS, THEY WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO ASK." LET'S FACE IT. NO SCREEN READER
> IS PERFECT. BUT JAWS HAS BEEN REMARKABLY FOUL OF LATE.
> AND EVEN SO, PEOPLE AND ORGANIZATIONS JUST KEEP BUYING IT. WELL AT GW
> MICRO, WE'RE NOT GOING TO GIVE UP. OUR MOTTO IS - IF WE CAN'T BEAT
> THEM, WE'LL JOIN THEM - AND DO IT BETTER. SO OUR "MIDDLEWARE"
> SCREEN READER, WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS IS A LOGICAL PROGRESSION FOR US.
> HERE ARE ANSWERS TO SOME QUESTIONS RAISED BY OUR EXCITING NEW
> PRODUCT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "MIDDLEWARE" SCREEN READER? MIDDLEWARE IS
> NORMALLY A LAYER OF PROGRAMMING THAT LETS DIFFERENT PROGRAMS TALK TO
> EACH OTHER. MICROSOFT ACTIVE ACCESSIBILITY IS "MIDDLEWARE" THAT
> PROVIDES ACCESSIBILITY INFORMATION. WELL, WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS IS
> MIDDLEWARE THAT PROVIDES A USABILITY LAYER, TRANSLATING INFORMATION
> FROM JAWS INTO HUMAN UNDERSTANDABLE TERMS, AND ORGANIZING JAWS SETTINGS
>
> INTO A COMPREHENSIBLE INTERFACE, TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE TO ACTUALLY USE
> JAWS WITHOUT YEARS OF STUDY. IF YOU'VE EVER USED JAWS ON THE INTERNET,
> YOU KNOW WHY WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS IS AN ESSENTIAL ADDITION. IF YOU
> DON'T CODE HTML BY HAND, YOU PROBABLY SCRATCH YOUR HEAD WHEN USING JAWS
>
> ON THE INTERNET. WHO KNOWS OR CARES WHAT A BLOCKQUOTE, ONMOUSEOVER, OR
> ANCHOR ARE? WITH WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW! WILL I
> HAVE TO CHANGE SETTINGS IN MULTIPLE PLACES? NOT ONCE YOU INSTALL
> WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS! EVER TRY TO FIND WHERE TO CHANGE PUNCTUATION IN
> JAWS? YOU HAVE LOTS OF CHOICES: THE VOICES DIALOGS, THE VERBOSITY
> DIALOG, OR TWO OR THREE DIFFERENT PLACES IN CONFIGURATION MANAGER... NO
>
> MORE! WITH WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS, ALL YOUR PUNCTUATION SETTINGS ARE IN
> ONE LOCATION! IN FACT, ALL SETTINGS ARE EASIER TO FIND AND CHANGE. WHAT
>
> ABOUT SAPI VOICES?
> THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO WORK IN JAWS, BUT THAT'S ONLY AN UNSUBSTANTIATED
> RUMOR - UNTIL NOW! GET WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS AND USE ANY SAPI
> SYNTHESIZER YOU HAVE INSTALLED, AND WITH THE ADDED BONUS OF NO CRASHES!
>
> HOW STABLE WILL THIS PROGRAM BE, RUNNING ON SUCH AN UNSTABLE PLATFORM?
> WINDOW-EYES HAS A ROCK SOLID REPUTATION FOR STABILITY. IF WE CAN DO
> THAT IN WINDOWS, WE CAN DO IT IN JAWS. WILL I BE ABLE TO USE THIRD
> PARTY PROGRAMS? WE ADMIT, JAWS DOESN'T SUPPORT MUCH MORE THAN MICROSOFT
>
> OFFICE THESE DAYS, BUT WITH WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS YOU CAN RUN ALL OF
> YOUR FAVORITE PROGRAMS.
> WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS EXTENDS THE SUPPORT YOU GET BEYOND OFFICE
> ENVIRONMENTS. LIFE IS ABOUT MORE THAN WORK SO ENJOY IT! WHAT ABOUT
> SYNTHESIZERS AND BRAILLE DISPLAYS? USING THESE DEVICES IN JAWS HAS
> NEVER BEEN EASY. SELECT IT WHEN YOU INSTALL JAWS OR REINSTALL IT TO GET
>
> THEM TO WORK. BUT WITH WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS, JUST SELECT YOUR BRAILLE
> DISPLAY OR SYNTHESIZER FROM A LIST, AND YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO RESTART
> THE PROGRAM! AND WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS FULLY SUPPORTS USING YOUR BRAILLE
>
> SENSE AS A DISPLAY! I'M NOT A PROGRAMMER; WILL I HAVE TO LEARN TO WRITE
>
> SCRIPTS? ABSOLUTELY NOT! IF YOU'RE A REAL GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT AND
> HATE YOURSELF AND LIFE IN GENERAL, YOU
> *CAN* WRITE SCRIPTS... BUT WITH WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS YOU DON'T HAVE TO
> SUBMIT TO SUCH TORTURE! AND ARE YOU TIRED OF FRAMES THAT BREAK EVERY
> TIME YOU RESTART A PROGRAM? NO MORE! WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS GIVES YOU ALL
>
> THE EASY TO USE CUSTOMIZATION TOOLS THAT HA????èù?
>THIS IS FUNNY.
>ANDY
>
> FT. WAYNE, INDIANA... FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE. GW MICRO IS PLEASED TO
> ANNOUNCE THE RELEASE OF WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS. THIS EXCITING NEW PRODUCT
>
> WILL REVOLUTIONIZE SCREEN READING TECHNOLOGY. SCREEN READING HAS NEVER
> BEEN EASIER. WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS PROVIDES YOU THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS
> - THE POWER OF JAWS AND THE EASE OF USE OF WINDOW-EYES.
> WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS READS WHAT JAWS ALONE WILL NOT, PROVIDES EASE OF
> USE JAWS CANNOT, AND GIVES ACCESS TO SETTINGS THAT NO ONE CAN FIND IN
> JAWS. "SOME PEOPLE ASKED US WHY WE'D RELEASE A SCREEN READER FOR A
> SCREEN READER," SAID DAN WEIRICH OF GW MICRO. BUT IF THEY HAD EVER USED
>
> JAWS, THEY WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO ASK." LET'S FACE IT. NO SCREEN READER
> IS PERFECT. BUT JAWS HAS BEEN REMARKABLY FOUL OF LATE.
> AND EVEN SO, PEOPLE AND ORGANIZATIONS JUST KEEP BUYING IT. WELL AT GW
> MICRO, WE'RE NOT GOING TO GIVE UP. OUR MOTTO IS - IF WE CAN'T BEAT
> THEM, WE'LL JOIN THEM - AND DO IT BETTER. SO OUR "MIDDLEWARE"
> SCREEN READER, WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS IS A LOGICAL PROGRESSION FOR US.
> HERE ARE ANSWERS TO SOME QUESTIONS RAISED BY OUR EXCITING NEW
> PRODUCT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "MIDDLEWARE" SCREEN READER? MIDDLEWARE IS
> NORMALLY A LAYER OF PROGRAMMING THAT LETS DIFFERENT PROGRAMS TALK TO
> EACH OTHER. MICROSOFT ACTIVE ACCESSIBILITY IS "MIDDLEWARE" THAT
> PROVIDES ACCESSIBILITY INFORMATION. WELL, WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS IS
> MIDDLEWARE THAT PROVIDES A USABILITY LAYER, TRANSLATING INFORMATION
> FROM JAWS INTO HUMAN UNDERSTANDABLE TERMS, AND ORGANIZING JAWS SETTINGS
>
> INTO A COMPREHENSIBLE INTERFACE, TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE TO ACTUALLY USE
> JAWS WITHOUT YEARS OF STUDY. IF YOU'VE EVER USED JAWS ON THE INTERNET,
> YOU KNOW WHY WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS IS AN ESSENTIAL ADDITION. IF YOU
> DON'T CODE HTML BY HAND, YOU PROBABLY SCRATCH YOUR HEAD WHEN USING JAWS
>
> ON THE INTERNET. WHO KNOWS OR CARES WHAT A BLOCKQUOTE, ONMOUSEOVER, OR
> ANCHOR ARE? WITH WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW! WILL I
> HAVE TO CHANGE SETTINGS IN MULTIPLE PLACES? NOT ONCE YOU INSTALL
> WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS! EVER TRY TO FIND WHERE TO CHANGE PUNCTUATION IN
> JAWS? YOU HAVE LOTS OF CHOICES: THE VOICES DIALOGS, THE VERBOSITY
> DIALOG, OR TWO OR THREE DIFFERENT PLACES IN CONFIGURATION MANAGER... NO
>
> MORE! WITH WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS, ALL YOUR PUNCTUATION SETTINGS ARE IN
> ONE LOCATION! IN FACT, ALL SETTINGS ARE EASIER TO FIND AND CHANGE. WHAT
>
> ABOUT SAPI VOICES?
> THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO WORK IN JAWS, BUT THAT'S ONLY AN UNSUBSTANTIATED
> RUMOR - UNTIL NOW! GET WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS AND USE ANY SAPI
> SYNTHESIZER YOU HAVE INSTALLED, AND WITH THE ADDED BONUS OF NO CRASHES!
>
> HOW STABLE WILL THIS PROGRAM BE, RUNNING ON SUCH AN UNSTABLE PLATFORM?
> WINDOW-EYES HAS A ROCK SOLID REPUTATION FOR STABILITY. IF WE CAN DO
> THAT IN WINDOWS, WE CAN DO IT IN JAWS. WILL I BE ABLE TO USE THIRD
> PARTY PROGRAMS? WE ADMIT, JAWS DOESN'T SUPPORT MUCH MORE THAN MICROSOFT
>
> OFFICE THESE DAYS, BUT WITH WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS YOU CAN RUN ALL OF
> YOUR FAVORITE PROGRAMS.
> WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS EXTENDS THE SUPPORT YOU GET BEYOND OFFICE
> ENVIRONMENTS. LIFE IS ABOUT MORE THAN WORK SO ENJOY IT! WHAT ABOUT
> SYNTHESIZERS AND BRAILLE DISPLAYS? USING THESE DEVICES IN JAWS HAS
> NEVER BEEN EASY. SELECT IT WHEN YOU INSTALL JAWS OR REINSTALL IT TO GET
>
> THEM TO WORK. BUT WITH WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS, JUST SELECT YOUR BRAILLE
> DISPLAY OR SYNTHESIZER FROM A LIST, AND YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO RESTART
> THE PROGRAM! AND WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS FULLY SUPPORTS USING YOUR BRAILLE
>
> SENSE AS A DISPLAY! I'M NOT A PROGRAMMER; WILL I HAVE TO LEARN TO WRITE
>
> SCRIPTS? ABSOLUTELY NOT! IF YOU'RE A REAL GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT AND
> HATE YOURSELF AND LIFE IN GENERAL, YOU
> *CAN* WRITE SCRIPTS... BUT WITH WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS YOU DON'T HAVE TO
> SUBMIT TO SUCH TORTURE! AND ARE YOU TIRED OF FRAMES THAT BREAK EVERY
> TIME YOU RESTART A PROGRAM? NO MORE! WINDOW-EYES FOR JAWS GIVES YOU ALL
>
>
>
>
>** To leave the list, click on the immediately-following link:-
>** [mailto:guispeak-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=unsubscribe]
>** If this link doesn't work then send a message to:
>** guispeak-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
>** and in the Subject line type
>** unsubscribe
>** For other list commands such as vacation mode, click on the
>** immediately-following link:-
>** [mailto:guispeak-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=faq]
>** or send a message, to
>** guispeak-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx with the Subject:- faq
>
>
** To leave the list, click on the immediately-following link:-
** [mailto:guispeak-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=unsubscribe]
** If this link doesn't work then send a message to:
** guispeak-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
** and in the Subject line type
** unsubscribe
** For other list commands such as vacation mode, click on the
** immediately-following link:-
** [mailto:guispeak-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=faq]
** or send a message, to
** guispeak-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx with the Subject:- faq
Other related posts:
