[guide.chat] story the landlady by roald dahl
- From: vanessa <qwerty1234567a@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: "GUIDE CHAT" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Sun, 26 Feb 2012 18:07:24 -0000
The Landlady
Roald Dahl
Billy Weaver had traveled down from London on the slow afternoon train, with a
change at Reading on the way, and by the time he got to Bath, it was about nine
o?clock in the evening, and the moon was coming up out of a clear starry sky
over the houses opposite the station entrance. But the air was deadly cold and
the wind was like a flat blade of ice on his cheeks.
?Excuse me,? he said, ?but is there a fairly cheap hotel not too far away from
here??
?Try The Bell and Dragon,? the porter answered, pointing down the road. ?They
might take you in. It?s about a quarter of a mile along on the other side.?
Billy thanked him and picked up his suitcase and set out to walk the
quarter-mile to The Bell and Dragon. He had never been to Bath before. He
didn?t know anyone who lived there. But Mr. Greenslade at the head office in
London had told him it was a splendid town. ?Find your own lodgings,? he had
said, ?and then go along and report to the branch manager as soon as you?ve got
yourself settled.?
Billy was seventeen years old. He was wearing a new navy-blue overcoat, a new
brown trilby hat, and a new brown suit, and he was feeling fine. He walked
briskly down the street. He was trying to do everything briskly these days.
Briskness, he had decided, was the one common characteristic of all successful
businessmen. The big shots up at the head office were absolutely fantastically
brisk all the time. They were amazing.
There were no shops on this wide street that he was walking along, only a line
of tall houses on each side, all of them identical. They had porches and
pillars and four or five steps going up to their front doors, and it was
obvious that once upon a time they had been very swanky residences. But now,
even in the darkness, he could see that the paint was peeling from the woodwork
on their doors and windows and that the handsome white facades were cracked and
blotchy from neglect.
Suddenly, in a downstairs window that was brilliantly illuminated by a street
lamp not six yards away, Billy caught sight of a printed notice propped up
against the glass in one of the upper panes. It said BED AND BREAKFAST. There
was a vase of yellow chrysanthemums, tall and beautiful, standing just
underneath the notice.
He stopped walking. He moved a bit closer. Green curtains (some sort of velvety
material) were hanging down on either side of the window. The chrysanthemums
looked wonderful beside them. He went right up and peered through the glass
into the room, and the first thing he saw was a bright fire burning in the
hearth. On the carpet in front of the fire, a pretty little dachshund was
curled up asleep with its nose tucked into its belly. The room itself, so far
as he could see in the half darkness, was filled with pleasant furniture. There
was a baby grand piano and a big sofa and several plump armchairs, and in one
corner he spotted a large parrot in a cage. Animals were usually a good sign in
a place like this, Billy told himself; and all in all, it looked to him as
though it would be a pretty decent house to stay in. Certainly it would be more
comfortable than The Bell and Dragon.
On the other hand, a pub would be more congenial than a boardinghouse. There
would be beer and darts in the evenings, and lots of people to talk to, and it
would probably be a good bit cheaper, too. He had stayed a couple of nights in
a pub once before and he had liked it. He had never stayed in any
boardinghouses, and, to be perfectly honest, he was a tiny bit frightened of
them. The name itself conjured up images of watery cabbage, rapacious
landladies, and a powerful smell of kippers in the living room.
After dithering about like this in the cold for two or three minutes, Billy
decided that he would walk on and take a look at The Bell and Dragon before
making up his mind. He turned to go.
And now a queer thing happened to him. He was in the act of stepping back and
turning away from the window when all at once his eye was caught and held in
the most peculiar manner by the small notice that was there. BED AND BREAKFAST,
it said. BED AND BREAKFAST, BED AND BREAKFAST, BED AND BREAKFAST. Each word was
like a large black eye staring at him through the glass, holding him,
compelling him, forcing him to stay where he was and not to walk away from that
house, and the next thing he knew, he was actually moving across from the
window to the front door of the house, climbing the steps that led up to it,
and reaching for the bell.
He pressed the bell. Far away in a back room he heard it ringing, and then at
once ?it must have been at once because he hadn?t even had time to take his
finger from the bell button?the door swung open and a woman was standing there.
Normally you ring the bell and you have at least a half-minute?s wait before
the door opens. But this dame was like a jack-in-the-box. He pressed the
bell?and out she popped! It made him jump.
She was about forty-five or fifty years old, and the moment she saw him, she
gave him a warm, welcoming smile.
? Please come in,? she said pleasantly. She stepped aside, holding the door
wide open, and Billy found himself automatically starting forward. The
compulsion or, more accurately, the desire to follow after her into that house
was extraordinarily strong.
?I saw the notice in the window,? he said, holding himself back.
?Yes, I know.?
?I was wondering about a room.?
?It?s all ready for you, my dear,? she said. She had a round pink face and very
gentle blue eyes.
?I was on my way to The Bell and Dragon,? Billy told her. ?But the notice in
your window just happened to catch my eye.?
?My dear boy,? she said, ?why don?t you come in out of the cold??
?How much do you charge??
?Five and sixpence a night, including breakfast.?
It was fantastically cheap. It was less than half of what he had been willing
to pay.
?If that is too much,? she added, ?then perhaps I can reduce it just a tiny
bit. Do you desire an egg for breakfast? Eggs are expensive at the moment. It
would be sixpence less without the egg.?
?Five and sixpence is fine,? he answered. ?I should like very much to stay
here.?
?I knew you would. Do come in.?
She seemed terribly nice. She looked exactly like the mother of one?s best
school friend welcoming one into the house to stay for the Christmas holidays.
Billy took off his hat and stepped over the threshold.
?Just hang it there,? she said, ?and let me help you with your coat.?
There were no other hats or coats in the hall. There were no umbrellas, no
walking sticks?nothing.
?We have it all to ourselves,? she said, smiling at him over her shoulder as
she led the way upstairs. ?You see, it isn?t very often I have the pleasure of
taking a visitor into my little nest.?
The old girl is slightly dotty, Billy told himself. But at five and sixpence a
night, who cares about that? ?I should?ve thought you?d be simply swamped with
applicants,? he said politely.
?Oh, I am, my dear, I am, of course I am. But the trouble is that I?m inclined
to be just a teeny-weeny bit choosy and particular?if you see what I mean.?
?Ah, yes.?
?But I?m always ready. Everything is always ready day and night in this house
just on the off chance that an acceptable young gentleman will come along. And
it is such a pleasure, my dear, such a very great pleasure when now and again I
open the door and I see someone standing there who is just exactly right.? She
was halfway up the stairs, and she paused with one hand on the stair rail,
turning her head and smiling down at him with pale lips. ?Like you,? she added,
and her blue eyes traveled slowly all the way down the length of Billy?s body,
to his feet, and then up again.
On the second-floor landing she said to him, ?This floor is mine.?
They climbed up another flight. ?And this one is all yours,? she said. ?Here?s
your room. I do hope you?ll like it.? She took him into a small but charming
front bedroom, switching on the light as she went in.
?The morning sun comes right in the window, Mr. Perkins. It is Mr. Perkins,
isn?t it??
?No,? he said. ?It?s Weaver.?
?Mr. Weaver. How nice. I?ve put a water bottle between the sheets to air them
out, Mr. Weaver. It?s such a comfort to have a hot-water bottle in a strange
bed with clean sheets, don?t you agree? And you may light the gas fire at any
time if you feel chilly.?
?Thank you,? Billy said. ?Thank you ever so much.? He noticed that the
bedspread had been taken off the bed and that the bedclothes had been neatly
turned back on one side, all ready for someone to get in.
?I?m so glad you appeared,? she said, looking earnestly into his face. ?I was
beginning to get worried.?
?That?s all right,? Billy answered brightly. ?You mustn?t worry about me.? He
put his suitcase on the chair and started to open it.
?And what about supper, my dear? Did you manage to get anything to eat before
you came here??
?I?m not a bit hungry, thank you,? he said. ?I think I?ll just go to bed as
soon as possible because tomorrow I?ve got to get up rather early and report to
the office.?
?Very well, then. I?ll leave you now so that you can unpack. But before you go
to bed, would you be kind enough to pop into the sitting room on the ground
floor and sign the book? Everyone has to do that because it?s the law of the
land, and we don?t want to go breaking any laws at this stage in the
proceedings, do we?? She gave him a little wave of the hand and went quickly
out of the room and closed the door.
Now, the fact that his landlady appeared to be slightly off her rocker didn?t
worry Billy in the least. After all, she not only was harmless?there was no
question about that?but she was also quite obviously a kind and generous soul.
He guessed that she had probably lost a son in the war, or something like that,
and had never gotten over it.
So a few minutes later, after unpacking his suitcase and washing his hands, he
trotted downstairs to the ground floor and entered the living room. His
landlady wasn?t there, but the fire was glowing in the hearth, and the little
dachshund was still sleeping soundly in front of it. The room was wonderfully
warm and cozy. I?m a lucky fellow, he thought, rubbing his hands. This is a bit
of all right.
He found the guest book lying open on the piano, so he took out his pen and
wrote down his name and address. There were only two other entries above his on
the page, and as one always does with guest books, he started to read them. One
was a Christopher Mulholland from Cardiff. The other was Gregory W. Temple from
Bristol.
That?s funny, he thought suddenly. Christopher Mulholland. It rings a bell.
Now where on earth had he heard that rather unusual name before?
Was it a boy at school? No. Was it one of his sister?s numerous young men,
perhaps, or a friend of his father?s? No, no, it wasn?t any of those. He
glanced down again at the book.
Christopher Mulholland
231 Cathedral Road, Cardiff
Gregory W. Temple
27 Sycamore Drive, Bristol
As a matter of fact, now he came to think of it, he wasn?t at all sure that the
second name didn?t have almost as much of a familiar ring about it as the
first.
?Gregory Temple?? he said aloud, searching his memory. ?Christopher Mulholland?
. . .?
?Such charming boys,? a voice behind him answered, and he turned and saw his
landlady sailing into the room with a large silver tea tray in her hands. She
was holding it well out in front of her, and rather high up, as though the tray
were a pair of reins on a frisky horse.
?They sound somehow familiar,? he said.
?They do? How interesting.?
?I?m almost positive I?ve heard those names before somewhere. Isn?t that odd?
Maybe it was in the newspapers. They weren?t famous in any way, were they? I
mean famous cricketers7 or footballers or something like that??
?Famous,? she said, setting the tea tray down on the low table in front of the
sofa. ?Oh no, I don?t think they were famous. But they were incredibly
handsome, both of them, I can promise you that. They were tall and young and
handsome, my dear, just exactly like you.?
Once more, Billy glanced down at the book. ?Look here,? he said, noticing the
dates. ?This last entry is over two years old.?
?It is??
?Yes, indeed. And Christopher Mulholland?s is nearly a year before that?more
than three years ago.?
?Dear me,? she said, shaking her head and heaving a dainty little sigh. ?I
would never have thought it. How time does fly away from us all, doesn?t it,
Mr. Wilkins??
?It?s Weaver,? Billy said. ?W-e-a-v-e-r.?
?Oh, of course it is!? she cried, sitting down on the sofa. ?How silly of me. I
do apologize. In one ear and out the other, that?s me, Mr. Weaver.?
?You know something?? Billy said. ?Something that?s really quite extraordinary
about all this??
?No, dear, I don?t.?
?Well, you see, both of these names?Mulholland and Temple?I not only seem to
remember each one of them separately, so to speak, but somehow or other, in
some peculiar way, they both appear to be sort of connected together as well.
As though they were both famous for the same sort of thing, if you see what I
mean?like . . . well . . . like Dempsey and Tunney, for example, or Churchill
and Roosevelt.?
?How amusing,? she said. ?But come over here now, dear, and sit down beside me
on the sofa and I?ll give you a nice cup of tea and a ginger biscuit before you
go to bed.?
?You really shouldn?t bother,? Billy said. ?I didn?t mean you to do anything
like that.? He stood by the piano, watching her as she fussed about with the
cups and saucers. He noticed that she had small, white, quickly moving hands
and red fingernails.
?I?m almost positive it was in the newspapers I saw them,? Billy said. ?I?ll
think of it in a second. I?m sure I will.?
There is nothing more tantalizing than a thing like this that lingers just
outside the borders of one?s memory. He hated to give up.
?Now wait a minute,? he said. ?Wait just a minute. Mulholland . . . Christopher
Mulholland . . . wasn?t that the name of the Eton schoolboy who was on a
walking tour through the West Country, and then all of a sudden . . .?
?Milk?? she said. ?And sugar??
?Yes, please. And then all of a sudden . . .?
?Eton schoolboy?? she said. ?Oh no, my dear, that can?t possibly be right,
because my Mr. Mulholland was certainly not an Eton schoolboy when he came to
me. He was a Cambridge undergraduate. Come over here now and sit next to me and
warm yourself in front of this lovely fire. Come on. Your tea?s all ready for
you.? She patted the empty place beside her on the sofa, and she sat there
smiling at Billy and waiting for him to come over.
He crossed the room slowly and sat down on the edge of the sofa. She placed his
teacup on the table in front of him.
? There we are,? she said. ?How nice and cozy this is, isn?t it??
Billy started sipping his tea. She did the same. For half a minute or so,
neither of them spoke. But Billy knew that she was looking at him. Her body was
half turned toward him, and he could feel her eyes resting on his face,
watching him over the rim of her teacup. Now and again, he caught a whiff of a
peculiar smell that seemed to emanate directly from her person. It was not in
the least unpleasant, and it reminded him?well, he wasn?t quite sure what it
reminded him of. Pickled walnuts? New leather? Or was it the corridors of a
hospital?
At length, she said, ?Mr. Mulholland was a great one for his tea. Never in my
life have I seen anyone drink as much tea as dear, sweet Mr. Mulholland.?
?I suppose he left fairly recently,? Billy said. He was still puzzling his head
about the two names. He was positive now that he had seen them in the
newspapers?in the headlines.
?Left?? she said, arching her brows. ?But my dear boy, he never left. He?s
still here. Mr. Temple is also here. They?re on the fourth floor, both of them
together.?
Billy set his cup down slowly on the table and stared at his landlady. She
smiled back at him, and then she put out one of her white hands and patted him
comfortingly on the knee. ?How old are you, my dear?? she asked.
?Seventeen.?
?Seventeen!? she cried. ?Oh, it?s the perfect age! Mr. Mulholland was also
seventeen. But I think he was a trifle shorter than you are; in fact I?m sure
he was, and his teeth weren?t quite so white. You have the most beautiful
teeth, Mr. Weaver, did you know that??
?They?re not as good as they look,? Billy said. ?They?ve got simply masses of
fillings in them at the back.?
?Mr. Temple, of course, was a little older,? she said, ignoring his remark. ?He
was actually twenty-eight. And yet I never would have guessed it if he hadn?t
told me, never in my whole life. There wasn?t a blemish on his body.?
?A what?? Billy said.
?His skin was just like a baby?s.?
There was a pause. Billy picked up his teacup and took another sip of his tea;
then he set it down again gently in its saucer. He waited for her to say
something else, but she seemed to have lapsed into another of her silences. He
sat there staring straight ahead of him into the far corner of the room, biting
his lower lip.
?That parrot,? he said at last. ?You know something? It had me completely
fooled when I first saw it through the window. I could have sworn it was
alive.?
?Alas, no longer.?
?It?s most terribly clever the way it?s been done,? he said. ?It doesn?t look
in the least bit dead. Who did it??
?I did.?
? You did??
?Of course,? she said. ?And have you met my little Basil as well?? She nodded
toward the dachshund curled up so comfortably in front of the fire. Billy
looked at it. And suddenly, he realized that this animal had all the time been
just as silent and motionless as the parrot. He put out a hand and touched it
gently on the top of its back. The back was hard and cold, and when he pushed
the hair to one side with his fingers, he could see the skin underneath,
grayish black and dry and perfectly preserved.
?Good gracious me,? he said. ?How absolutely fascinating.? He turned away from
the dog and stared with deep admiration at the little woman beside him on the
sofa. ?It must be most awfully difficult to do a thing like that.?
?Not in the least,? she said. ?I stuff all my little pets myself when they pass
away. Will you have another cup of tea??
?No, thank you,? Billy said. The tea tasted faintly of bitter almonds, and he
didn?t much care for it.
?You did sign the book, didn?t you??
?Oh, yes.?
?That?s good. Because later on, if I happen to forget what you were called,
then I could always come down here and look it up. I still do that almost every
day with Mr. Mulholland and Mr. . . . Mr. . . .?
?Temple,? Billy said, ?Gregory Temple. Excuse my asking, but haven?t there been
any other guests here except them in the last two or three years??
Holding her teacup high in one hand, inclining her head slightly to the left,
she looked up at him out of the corners of her eyes and gave him another gentle
little smile.
?No, my dear,? she said. ?Only you.?
from
Vanessa The Google Girl.
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