[guide.chat] one liners

: FW: Fwd: Fw: FW: one liners

 

    1.  The wife was counting all the 1p's and 2p's out on
the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started
shouting and crying for no reason.  I thought to myself "She's going
through the change." 

 

    2.    When I was in the pub I heard a couple of dickheads saying
that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was
a woman.  What a pair of sexist #######.  I mean, it's not as if she'd
have to reverse the bloody thing!

    3.    Little Johnny is sitting in geography class when the  

teacher asks him, "Where is Pakistan?" 

He replies, "Outside playing with Paki-Dave".

    4.    Local Police hunting the 'knitting 

needle nutter' who has stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48
hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern. 

 

    5.    Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I
could eat it! 

 

    6.    A teddy bear is working on a building site.  He goes for a
tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen.  The
bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman.  The foreman grins
at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the
teddy bears have their pick nicked." 

 

    7.    Murphy says to Paddy "What ya talkin to an envelope for?"
"I'm sending a voicemail ya thick sod!"

    8.    Just got back from my mate's funeral who died after being
hit on the head with a tennis ball,  It was one hell of a service! 

 

    9. Nineteen paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so
many of you?"
Mick replies, "It said 18+in the paper." 

 

    10.  An Asian fellow has moved in next door.  He has travelled
the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest
mountain.  It came as no surprise to learn his name is Bindair
Dundat. 

You will

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