[guide.chat] :{ With many thanks to Judith for sending this one }: Fw: FW: Have a Laugh, I did
- From: Keith Wines <muckyduck2@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 1 Sep 2011 21:17:26 +0100
: Fw: FW: Have a Laugh, I did
Jokes for the day.
1. An older man, not in the best physical condition, asked the
Trainer in
the gym, "I want to impress that beautiful girl. Which machine
should
I use?"
The trainer replied, "Use the ATM machine outside the gym!"
2.
Married Life
A woman is sitting in the cool of the evening on the veranda
with her husband.
Suddenly she says gently , "I love you."
He smiles shyly, and asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?
She replies,
"It's me............. talking to the wine.
3 Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE
OPPOSITE SEX
IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR
THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON
HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER,
IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER,
THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kenco:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR
DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS
IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS
THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND
SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany 's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING
SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN,
LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER
FOR THIS PURPOSE.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON
HAVING A GOOD TIME.
An Israeli Sense of Humor at UN set the record straight.
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in
the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile. A
representative from Israel began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you
something about Moses: When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he
thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath!' Moses removed his clothes,
put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted
to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them!
The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and
shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't there then.'
The Israeli representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have
made that clear.
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