[GeoStL] kinda geocaching related joke
- From: pntball <gcpntball@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: geocaching@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sat, 22 Sep 2007 17:54:05 -0700 (PDT)
(all critisism are welcomed, hope this doesnt offend people but this letter is
just like the political government rules that we have to deal with while
setting up and caching)
The Dam
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania
Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response
is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response
letter.
---------------------------------
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that
there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of
property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who
did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.
Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of
Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to
324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.!
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed
during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream
locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot
be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all
activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition
by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All
restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a
follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the
site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please
feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.
---------------------------------
Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:
---------------------------------
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am
the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run,
Pennsylvania.
A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and
maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.
While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think
they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures
building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to
attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I
believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam
skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence,
their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first
fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is:
Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers.
Or do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam
request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the
Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other
applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if
there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the
Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts
of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled
Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers entitled to
legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are
unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them
with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the
dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is
a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other
words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them
and calling their dam names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact
the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay
any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their
unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water
flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring
Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives
up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the
environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred
for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The
Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for
you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental
quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually
defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the
defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.
If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are
not careful where they dump!
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you
on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
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