[cinci_dads] article
- From: "Tim Nabors" <timnabors@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <cinci_dads@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 16 Jul 2003 05:41:19 -0400
(Thought some of you might like this story...I can kind of relate to it.) -Tim
A job that's never truly done
By Elizabeth Lyons
July 13, 2003
The term "stay-at-home mom, " as well as the prevailing perception of the role,
is in serious need of an overhaul. It seems to be a topic of discussion
everywhere lately, from playgrounds to preschool pick-up areas to Oprah's
stage. Stay-at-home moms are tired, sometimes even a bit hostile, when they
discuss the content of their days. Truth be told, being a stay-at-home mom is
more work than many thought it would be. After much listening (and personal
experience), I believe these moms often overlook a key source of their
frustration: their title.
It is clear that more and more women are choosing to stay at home to raise
their children full time. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics maintains that,
in 1998, more than 7.5 million married moms with children under age18 held one
job title: mother. According to U.S. census data, between 1980 and 2000, the
number of mothers with children younger than 1 year of age who chose to stay
home rose to 45 percent from 38 percent.
What appears to be so detrimental to the spirit of the stay-at-home mom is not
that she loathes the role but that she feels unappreciated and taken for
granted much of the time. She believes the population at large maintains an
unrealistic perspective of what goes on behind the closed front door all
day--and all night.
It seems that somewhere along the line, the title stay-at-home mom lost all
connection to the concept of work. Perhaps it's the whole paid versus unpaid
status. However, I have never known of any corporate task that was more
emotionally draining or more personal than that of raising one's children to be
respectable, contributing, self-assured, happy members of society.
The number of fathers in this role also is growing.
Slowlane.com, a leading Web site for stay-at-home dads, receives 3.5 million to
4.5 million hits a year, primarily from American fathers.
Bob Evanosky of Naperville left his job as a pilot for a major airline to raise
his twin sons while his wife continued to work.
"Believe me," he said, "those who work nine hours a day have unrealistic
expectations of what really goes on at home while he or she isn't there. I know
that because I've been on both sides."
The job is different from those that take place in hectic corporate centers,
mostly because it never ends. We work all three shifts all the time. And no, we
do not work from 9 to 5. We work from 9 to 9. That's 9 a.m. one day until 9
a.m. the next day, and on and on.
We are chefs whose own meals often consist of the leftovers on our children's
plates. We are chauffeurs, secretaries, medical coordinators, home repairwomen,
personal shoppers, nurses and janitors.
Another fact that cannot be overlooked: Many of us desire an identity outside
of "Mom" and therefore are trying to launch careers from the comfort of our
home-based makeshift offices. We don't get paid for a second of this
"career-development time," but we still fit it in.
I now tell people that I am a work-at-home mom. I think the word "stay" is what
is throwing everyone off. We don't stay. We move. Constantly.
The number of things on a work-at-home mom's daily to-do list could make one
dizzy. And there's a level of variety on that list that requires multiskilled
multitasking to boot. We are as efficient and coordinated as they come and, in
all honesty, corporate America is really missing out by not having our
quick-thinking, solution-oriented,
invent-a-solution-that-will-make-the-unhappy-happy-immediately minds on board.
As confident as I was in my decision to take a break from my professional life
to raise my kids full time, I have crossed the "I can't take it anymore" line
more than once. I've had moments in which I've decided that my children must be
incredibly sick of me because even I can't stand the sound of my own voice
anymore. But I'm still here, amid the laundry, spilled milk and tantrums. In
the end, I am continually reminded by some higher source that, right now,
paycheck or not, I'm in the most valuable place.
What we all need--no matter our job, no matter how large a paycheck we receive
(if we receive one at all)--is to feel appreciated and valued. What the
work-at-home mom needs above and beyond that is to have a sense of herself in
the midst of developing her children. Perhaps a few minutes of silence each day.
And, of course, a proper job title for her resume.
Copyright (c) 2003, Chicago Tribune
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www.cincinnatidads.com
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