<USS Avalon> The Twenty-fourth Century Workshop
- From: TKilyle@xxxxxxx
- To: avalon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Tue, 20 Dec 2005 09:38:39 EST
The Twenty-fourth Century Workshop
brought to you by Ian and Anna, with no apologies to Clement Moore at all
In the past four hundred years, the big man's job had only increased. He
thought that with less people believing in the real reason he gave out
presents
that his job would have gotten easier but noooooo. That would have been too
simple. Not only were there more on his list, it was getting harder to tell
who belonged on what list.
Those overgrown elves who called themselves Vulcans were at least some help.
Vulcans, right, he grumbled. Elves who dipped into the magic reindeer feed
once too often you ask me. Now, about those others.
"Alright, you elves, what are we suggesting for the Klingon kiddies this
year?"
"Disembowel Me Vorta? I know...I know it's a bit old hat, but they have no
honour you know." sang out one.
"How about the Make Your Own Mek'leth kits?" chimed in another.
"Perfect!" the big man chortled. "Both of them will be perfect. Remind me
to stock some targ biscuits. Those things're worse than dogs when you try to
get in chimneys." He scratched his long white beard in contemplation. "I
think those visions of sugarplums will be perfect for the Betazoids. It'll
keep them occupied for months trying to see if they're real. How about the
Trill? And I mean the hosts because the symbionts are going through the line
again."
"Spot remover?"
The entire room groaned and the speaker was buried under balls of wrapping
paper. "Someone always says it," one of the senior elves sighed, "you new lads
always think you're the first."
The jolly old elf took a swallow of hot chocolate then stated, "New joke
books. Maybe the hosts will get better one liners that way rather than
recycling jokes from the worms." He scratched that item onto his list.
"Now somebody did order those 'Instant Business Success for Dummies' books
for the Ferengi, right?" He looked around. "Somebody did contact the
publisher for a few thousand copies, right?"
"Should be here tomorrow afternoon along with that new Ferengi womens
fashion book 'What Not to Wear?'" Piped up someone in Receiving.
"Ha! I knew you elves were on the job." He switched his viewer to the
production room. Yep, the mass production unit was hard at work making little
toy soldier sets for the Romulans and Cardassians. He spotted something that
gave him another idea. Pressing the comm button, he said, "Hey, boys, make
sure that you include the Tal'Shiar figures and the Obsidian Order ones this
year."
"How many are going to be lucky enough to get 'A Plain, Simple Tailor'
Boss?" a young one grinned. "And are we giving the Bajoran people another
'Lost'
Orb? It's almost ten years since the last one."
The old man scratched his head with the pen that he used to make 'The List'.
"Give the books to the ones who the ones with a sense of humor that isn't
so harsh. They are so much more pleasant." He let out a breath. "You know,
those Orbs are hard to make but those are some lovely people. They'd
appreciate it. Make this one something that doesn't have any backlashes this
time.
I think they're still grumbling about the future orb."
"I'll get R&D on it straight away." said a sandy haired fellow as he scooted
out the door.
Another senior elf popped a couple of marshmallows in his chocolate and took
a hearty swig. "Tellarites next, Boss." He eyed the room steadily, "And if
anyone makes the merest suggestion about toiletries or hygiene products they'll
be mucking out the reindeer for the next year."
"Mineral mud baths," one of the lady elves piped up. "You know, those are
just wonderful on the skin."
"Inspired! What about them overgrown Smurfs?"
"Ah now those folks are a hard bunch to do things for," the head elf
grumbled. "They keep saying they don't need 'things'. They marry in fours
don't
they? We got any of those family four packs of dinner certificates left?
Them
maybe and some hats so those antennae don't freeze."
Several elves nodded agreement.
"Whilst discussing things of a blue nature, do you think the Bolians will
want the new 'Mot the Captain's Barber' Hologame?"
"Yes but since those are so hard to produce, add Chia Pets onto the list for
anyone who doesn't get the game. They little things will make for good
cutting practice," Santa stated. "I know we have a ton of those old Pong
games
left. Those would be perfect for the Bynars."
"Hairball tonic for the Caitians, and Anti-aging cream for the Ba'ku?"
another youngster giggled.
A tall lady elf with long red hair shook her head, "I think we should keep
some of those joke books for you lot."
"Make it catnip for the Caitians and the Sivoans," Santa chortled. "It's as
good as giving good wine to the French Humans. Some canned tuna for the
Pakleds. God only knows those poor folks need the brain food...."
"Nausicaans are troublesome, as always. And what about the Horta this year?"
groused one.
"The Nausicaans are still on the naughty list. Them and the Breen. They
never seem to even come close to even the sorta not bad list," Santa grumbled
but he chuckled when he thought about the Horta. "Those Horta are wonderful,
look just like a moving pizza. See if we don't have enough fine quality
rocks as a candy for them."
"Throw in some precious gems? Box them up like chocolates?" someone
suggested.
"Make it so," the jolly old elf intoned, putting on his best starship
captain impersonation. "Is there anyone else?"
"Ktarians, Risians, Orions, Gorn, Rigellians, Anticans, Selay, Tamarians,
Deltans, Capellans, Bandi, Mintakans, Benzites, Remans, Tholians, Holograms,
Androids, and not forgetting that single-lettered headache." The elf took a
deep breath, "and thats before we even start on the Gamma and Delta Quadrants
sir!"
"Somebody put on another batch of hot chocolate," Santa grumbled. "It's
going to be a long night."
Mrs. Claus bustled in with a tray of steaming mugs, "You've only got
yourself to blame you know. If you hadn't given Zef Cochrane a nudge in the
right
direction this wouldn't have become a Galaxy-wide operation quite so soon!"
"Now, Picard! now, Janeway! now, Sisko and Nicks!
On, Ketchum! on Hale! on, Craig and Dareth!
To the edge of the system! to the top of the quadrant!
Now warp away! warp away! warp away all!"
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