<USS Avalon> "Ghosts Part 2"

"Ghosts Part 2"
Patrick McEntire and N'Ellie Coyne

Mac sat next to her, taking in the tiny bundle in her arms. The bright blue 
eyes were far too familiar to doubt their origin. "Um, yeah. I think that's 
probably an understatement." he agreed, shaking his head in disbelief. 

Jo came out of the bedroom with another small bundle. "I think this lad will be 
ready to eat soon." 

"First," N'Ellie said brightly as she nodded to Jo that Mac was ok. "I'd like 
you to meet Angelina Joanna and Gabriel Joshua." 

"Watch him now he's a bit tiny." Jo said, her English accent flowing. She 
adjusted the baby's blanket and then handed the boy to Mac.

Mac's eyes widened further. "Two?" he asked incredulously. 

N'Ellie laughed gently so she wouldn't disturb her daughter's nursing. "Well 
not all of us can have five." She teased. 

"I'm still trying to figure out how you managed one," Mac responded, shaking 
his head. "I mean, I knew you and he were close, but when did...that...happen?"

Carefully shielding their emotions from her children N'Ellie told Mac 
everything. "I thought you two were dead, Mac. I thought I'd lost him before 
I'd had the chance to tell him I love him. I was beside myself and when Jenna 
told me she had a way for me to still have a part of him... Well, here they 
are." 

Mac shook his head slowly in disbelief. Someone was peddling Josh's...personal 
matters...like a new pair of spring pumps. Hey, you want a pair, here you go. 
What the hell was that? He could understand N'Ellie's reasons for doing it, but 
not someone else's reasons for making it possible. "Where exactly did she get 
his...you know...genetic stuff...to do this? I mean, I really doubt the kid 
just...voluntarily...you know...donated..." 

"I didn't ask after I made sure it was his." N'Ellie admitted.

"So this woman offers you his...stuff...and you don't wonder how the hell she 
got the kid to give it?" Mac asked in disbelief. "How did you make sure it was 
his?"

N'Ellie blinked up at him. "I am a doctor."

"Duh," Mac responded as if it should have been obvious, when another question 
struck him. "Was what she offered you...you know...ethical?"

"No." N'Ellie replied honestly. "There's nothing ethical about Jenna, it's why 
she works for and sleeps with Jack. I lost track of the times she was nearly 
thrown out of medical school. But Mac, I wasn't looking at all of this as a 
doctor or an officer. I'd lost so much, so many, and Jenna was offering a small 
part of that back."

"Okay," Mac nodded. He could understand that. "But what now? I mean...Josh is a 
dad? And Belle? That makes her a...what? Step-mom?"

When the baby let go of her N'Ellie sifted the little girl to her shoulder. "A 
mistake."

"A mistake?" Mac frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

When the baby burped N'Ellie spoke to her softly in French as she stood and 
walked over to the port-a-crib in the room. She laid the baby down and then 
came back to the couch taking her son from Mac to feed him. "It means she won't 
be a factor. She's a mistake, she tricked him."

"Tricked him? How the hell do you figure that?" Mac shook his head. "N'Ellie, 
you got it all wrong. He loves her."

N'Ellie sighed. Gabriel had his father's appetite, which wasn't good for a baby 
who needed to put on weight. "Come on little man you have to eat." She cooed 
softly before replying to Mac. "He loves her so much that he told me that if he 
were dreaming not to wake him so he could stay with me." 

"You know as well as I do that we say things we don't mean to say when we're 
between dreaming and waking. He suffered oxygen deprivation and was coming off 
the sedative the EMH gave him, you can't take that to mean anything, especially 
not where him and Belle are concerned. I was there, N'Ellie. When they got 
together. When they married. While their relationship grew. I've seen them. 
Trust, me hon, he loves her." Mac stressed the words, hoping she'd understand 
and choose not to interfere.

"And a Betazoid, even one muddled with Klingon and Human, knows what she senses 
from her beloved." N'Ellie replied just as her son finally decided to eat. 

Mac sighed. "I'm not saying he doesn't love you, N'Ell. Hell we all know better 
than that. That doesn't mean he doesn't love her, though. And I'm worried what 
a mess between you two would do to him right now. He's not like he was on the 
Ana, N'Ell. All the forward progress...we lost it all when we lost that ship. 
He shut down so completely. And then with Zack. Dammit, we're only starting to 
see him coming into himself again now. And then only rarely. After Zack died, 
we almost lost him. I'm not exaggerating here. Running himself so ragged his 
system started shuttling down. Taking on every dangerous mission he could jump 
into, and half trying not to make it back. I'm still not sure he's all the way 
back, but I do know that what steps he's taken, he's taken for her. I just 
don't want to risk him sinking again."

"He won't Mac." N'Ellie said without a bit of uncertainty.

"I wish I was that sure," Mac answered, looking down at the little guy in her 
arms. "Looks a lot like him, doesn't he?"

N'Ellie beamed as she looked down at her son. "He does, and Angel has her 
father's eyes, his curls. I only wish Gabe didn't eat like him."

Mac almost laughed. "Have you tried offering him coffee?"

"No," N'Ellie laughed as she raised her son to her shoulder. "but the smell of 
it wakes Angel."

Mac did laugh that time. "Okay...no doubts at all. They're his." 

"And I've got to tell him soon." N'Ellie replied. "I want my children to have 
their father in their lives." 

"I know that's what he'd want. At least, I'm pretty sure it is. But I'm not so 
sure how well it'll go over with his wife." Mac sighed. "Dammit, why didn't you 
come out of hiding sooner?" 

N'Ellie put her son down next to her daughter before moving to stand in front 
of the window. She started out at the ships being built for a long time before 
she finally answered. "I wasn't well enough and... It wasn't safe enough." 

"Want to explain that one?' Mac frowned. 

The raven haired young woman shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. 
"No." 

Mac put an arm protectively around her shoulders. "Nevermind." he told her 
gently,"You're here now." 

"And I'm not leaving him again, Mac." N'Ellie replied firmly. "I won't make the 
same mistake twice." 

"Then I suggest you develop a friendly relationship with his wife, N'Ell." Mac 
warned seriously. "Because I don't see her just up and walking out, either." 

Anger hardened her chocolate eyes. "Stop calling her that!" 

"I'm sorry, sweetness, but that's what she is. They've been married for six 
months now. You're going to have to accept that." Mac insisted, gently but 
firmly. 

N'Ellie suddenly became very cold and hard. "The hell I will." 

Mac sighed and shook his head. This was not how this reunion had always played 
out in his head, and he was pretty sure it wasn't how Josh would have wanted it 
either. Still, though. She had to accept the truth. "Look sweets, I'm sorry it 
upsets you, but it's the truth. I know, I was there. Them, us...double 
ceremony...all legal like. I can show you the holo if you want." 

N'Ellie simply nodded. 

Withdrawing the holovid from his pocket, he set it to play. It showed her all 
of it, from their entrance into the holodeck to their exit following the 
ceremony. When at last it was done, he put it back into his pocket and looked 
at his friend. "That's it. The whole shebang. Captain conducted the ceremonies 
and all four said I do." 

It was the most painful thing she'd ever watched until she noticed something. 
Turning on Mac, eyes raging, she shoved him. "How could you let him do that!? 
Couldn't you see how confused he was!? You said a run through! To show him! YOU 
TRICKED HIM!" 

"No, darling, he knew when the plan changed and agreed to it. Nobody tricked or 
coerced the man, no matter how much you might like to think so. I was there. 
Before and after. He wanted this. He meant to do exactly what he did." Mac 
sighed. He had, hadn't he? 

"Play it again!" She demanded. It was getting harder to keep herself from 
hitting him. She was so angry that she didn't even notice the nanny come for 
the babies. "Play it again, Mac! He followed a long like a puppet on a string!"

Mac played it again, this time less certain than before about what it was he 
was watching. His friend did, indeed, seem lost through most of it. Only 
examples and prompting from he himself had gotten Josh through it. But he'd 
wanted it, hadn't he? That he cared for Belle wasn't something Mac doubted, but 
had he really wanted to marry? Did he even really understand what that was, 
even now? Suddenly Mac wasn't so sure. "Fuck," he whispered to himself. "He 
loves her, N'Ellie. If you saw them together, you'd never doubt it. At least.I 
never did before now." 


"Mac, he barely understood what it meant to love." N'Ellie sighed. "Not until 
he let me go to be with.. to leave." 

"Which you did. I'm sorry, but Belle was there for him. She adores him, and he 
does love her as much as he's capable of loving anyone. He meant what he said. 
You know Josh, he doesn't make a promise without being sure it's one he can 
keep. " Mac shook his head, trying to push away all doubt." N'Ellie, I wasn't 
the only witness. If there had been any doubt in any of our minds, someone 
would have stopped it. But there wasn't. He does love her." 

"You were to busy with your own happiness. You wouldn't have noticed." She 
replied. 

Mac shot her a look as if he'd been slapped. "I've been there for him all 
along. Never once turned my back. Never walked away, or disappeared or deserted 
him. How can you say that to me? The kid is family to me, and has been for 
longer than you've known him. Nothing happens with him I don't notice."

"You don't know him as well as you think." She spat. "You could never 
understand! Neither could she! Neither of you have lived through..." She 
stopped, hot angry tears welling in her eyes, blurring the fear there. "Get 
out! Get the fuck out!" 

Mac headed for the door, biting back scathing comments as long as he could, 
though not all escaped him. "You haven't known him in two years, N'Ellie, and 
before that you didn't want him. You were hers, remember? You let him go. You 
CHOSE to do that all on your own. You gave him up." He glared at her angrily. 
"He's changed so much since that. You taught him how futile caring was. You 
taught him why it was better not to bother. She gave him back that. She loved 
him. She was there for him. She gave him back the ability to love, and all the 
desire to he's regained since losing Zack. She's the reason he's still alive, 
not you. She was there for him when he needed her. NOT YOU. And having someone 
else give you his children doesn't change that." He left quickly then, without 
a backwards glance, before he could say anymore of the hundred or so painful 
and ugly things dancing in his head, certain he'd already said too much.


N'Ellie stood there with anger just pouring off her until she was to tired to 
keep everything at bay any longer. Memories and emotions crashed against her 
like waves of ice cold water. Sinking to her knees she whispered, "And he's why 
I didn't give up. Why He didn't break me completely." ~~Why I live, beloved.~~



"Elphaba, where I come from we believe all sorts if things that aren't true.. 
We call it.. History."  
~The Wizard
~Wicked~

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