[adeel420] XXX Management Lessons and Sky's the limit
- From: LTC <mshaqeel@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: adeel420@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Thu, 5 Dec 2002 01:03:53 +0000 (GMT)
MANAGEMENT LESSONS
Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A
small rabbit saw
the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and
do nothing all
day
long?" The crow answered: "Sure why not." So, the
rabbit sat on the
ground
below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on
the
rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high
up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be
able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I
haven't got the
energy.
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"
replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at
a lump of dung
and
found that it actually gave him enough strength to
reach the first
branch
of the tree. The next day, after eating some more
dung, he reached the
second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he
was proudly
perched
at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted
by a farmer, who
shot
the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.
Lesson Number Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was
so cold, the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While
it was lying
there, a
cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen
bird lay there
in
the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it
was. The dung was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon
began
to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing
and came to
investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the
pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out. Then he
ate him!
Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!
***
The sky is the limit!
I want you to get promoted...so here is what I
advise...how to look busy:
Generally, this will not be a concern until you are
promoted to an executive
position. But once you've created the illusion that
you serve even the slightest
purpose at your place of "business," there's no
telling how far you'll go. In
the real working world, productivity is all a matter
of appearances, and the
glass ceiling is always to be avoided...
Appearance:
You are furiously taking notes while conducting an
important telephone marketing
survey.
Reality:
Your husband just called collect from his trip to
India and wants you to pick up
a couple of things before you pick him up at the
airport.
Appearance:
You are on the phone with a client in New York and you
have said, "Yes sirree!
That stock is about to shoot through the roof, now's a
great time to buy, I tell
ya!"
Reality:
You are on the phone with a friend in Guam and you
have said, "Yeah, this job is
terrible, and my boss is such a pushy whining...Yes
sirree! That stock is about
to shoot through the roof, now's a great time to buy,
I tell ya!"
Appearance:
You are at your computer writing a serious business
memorandum to your
department supervisor.
Reality:
You are emailing feeback to the JokeMaster about not
receiving your jokes
consistently and how offended you are about Blonde
Jokes...
Appearance:
You are urgently plugging numbers into a complicated
spreadsheet.
Reality:
You are playing Tetris.
Appearance:
You are tapping away on calculator keys, helping out
the accounting department.
Reality:
You are paying your electric bill, phone bill, AOL
bill, mortgage and car
payment.
Appearance:
You are reading the personnel manual.
Reality:
You are reading the TV guide you placed in the
personnel manual.
Appearance:
You are staring at an empty computer screen, absorbed
in deep thought.
Reality:
You have pressed "Escape" just in time, erasing a
MacDraw portrait entitled
"Supervisor with Pitchfork Wound Clinging to a Cliff."
After you fool 'em you are on your way to great
success...you will probably be
promoted to CEO...and from there you can play computer
solitaire 'til your
hearts content!!!
==================
This is a story about four people named Everybody,
Somebody, Anybody, and
Nobody. There was an important job to be done and
Everybody was asked to do it.
Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could
have done it, but Nobody
did it.
Somebody got angry about that, because it was
Everybody's job. Everybody thought
Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody
wouldn't do it. It ended
up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what
Anybody could have done
=====
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