[adeel420] Types of viruses
- From: LTC <mshaqeel@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: adeel420@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Thu, 5 Dec 2002 00:31:35 +0000 (GMT)
BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR THE FOLLOWING VIRUSES
CLINTON VIRUS
Gives you a 7 inch hard drive with NO memory
VIAGRA VIRUS
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy
LEWINSKY VIRUS
Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails
everyone about what it
did
RONALD REAGAN VIRUS
Saves your data, but forgets where its stored
MIKE TYSON VIRUS
Quits after two bytes
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100 MB,
then slowly expands to 200 MB
ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS
Disks can no longer be inserted
TITANIC VIRUS (a strain of the Lewinsky Virus)
Your whole computer goes down (but I think "we go on")
DISNEY VIRUS
Everything in your computer goes Goofy :)
PROZAC VIRUS
Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS
Terminates some files, leaves, but IT WILL BE BAAAAACK
LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS
Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then
discards it through
Windows
***
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day
carrying a bag of money.
She insisted that she must speak with the president of
the bank to open a
savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally
ushered her into the
president's office (the customer is always right!)
The bank president then asked her how much she would
like to deposit. She
replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her
bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came
by all this cash, so he
asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so
much cash around. "Where did
you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you
$25,000 that your balls are
square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You
can never win that kind
of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take
my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my
balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there
is a lot of money
involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at
10:00 am a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the
bet and spent a long time
in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from
side to side, again and
again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was
sure there was absolutely no
way his balls were square and that he would win the
bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little
old lady appeared with her
lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the
lawyer to the president and
repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls
are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old
lady asked him to drop his
pants so they could all see. The president did. The
little old lady peered
closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel
them. "Well, Okay," said
the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess
you should be absolutely
sure."
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly
banging his head against the
wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the
hell's the matter with your
lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that
at 10:00 AM today, I'd
have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my
hand."
=====
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