[adeel420] *****Twas the Night Before Christmas - longer version*****
- From: LTC <mshaqeel@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: adeel420@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Tue, 24 Dec 2002 17:40:20 +0000 (GMT)
Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period
preceding the annual Yuletide Celebration, and
throughout the place of residence,kinetic activity was
not
in evidence among the possessors of this potential,
including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus
musculus (mouse). Hosiery was meticulously suspended
from the orward edge of the wood-burning caloric
apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure
regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist
among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific
title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in
their respective
accommodations of repose, were experiencing
subconscious visual
hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving
rhythmically
through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I,
attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to
take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness
when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the
grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance
that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from
my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the
precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the
barriers sealing this fenestration, nothing thereupon
that the lunar brilliance without,reflected as it
was on the surface of a recent crystalline
precipitation, might be said to rival that of the
solar meridian itself - thus permitting my incredulous
optical
sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered
conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the
genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged
chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became
instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our
anticipated caller. With his ungulate motive power
traveling at what may possibly have been more
vertiginous
velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated
loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted
labia, and addressed each of the octet by his
or her respective cognomen - "Now Dasher, now
Dancer..." et al. -
guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our
abode, through which structure I could readily
distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32
cloven
pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location,
and was performing a 180-degree pivot, our
distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost celerity
and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke
passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled
by the ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous
fuels which had accumulated on the walls thereof., His
resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to
the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore
dorsally in a commodious cloth
receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity,
while his
submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence
of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar
regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with
blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the
former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral
emblem, the latter that of the Prunus
avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and
supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common
loop know, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment
appeared
like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen
water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking
piece whose grey
fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput,
were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of
holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and
when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent
abdominal region undulated in the manner of pectinated
fruit syrup in a hemispherical container.
He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese,
jocund, ultigenarian gnome,the optical perception of
whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite
every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly
lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating
his head slightly to one side, he indicated that
trepidation on my part was groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced
filing the
aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the
aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from
his aforementioned previously dorsally transportable
cloth receptacle. Upon completion of his task, he
executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual
digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory
organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of
leave-taking, and forthwith
effected his egress by renogatiating (in his
conveyance, directed a
musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral
sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and
proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto
observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of
a common weed. But I overheard his parting
exclamation, audible immediately prior to his
vehiculation
beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to
the planetary constituency, and to that self same
assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously
beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between
sunset and dawn."
=====
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