https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/desantis-says-florida-will-lift-coronavirus-restrictions-to-focus-on-voting-restrictions?utm_source=nl&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=TNY_Borowitz_080521&utm_campaign=aud-dev&utm_medium=email&bxid=5bd671182ddf9c619438f532&cndid=24420636&hasha=954b2519d94a252b56a993d76179067e&hashb=fde9b835a2f130ebe2a941f8a1bf9ccd7e66a7a6&hashc=b1e6d58a66180d9f1a6be51c51147ff49e90e990ae7d0c6e561dc9ef513e9b12&esrc=NYR_BOROWITZ_BLOG&utm_term=TNY_Borowitz
DeSantis Says Florida Will Lift Coronavirus Restrictions to Focus on Voting
Restrictions
By Andy BorowitzMay 3, 2021
TALLAHASSEE (The Borowitz Report)—Governor Ron DeSantis announced that Florida
will lift its coronavirus restrictions in order to focus all its attention on
voting restrictions.
“While the danger posed by the virus has largely dissipated, voting remains as
dangerous as ever,” DeSantis said.
The Governor indicated that he was “taking a hard look” at indoor voting, which
he said was responsible for “many bad outcomes,” and noted that outdoor voting,
involving people placing ballots in mailboxes, could also be curbed.
“Until the danger has passed, we may have to ban voting by groups of five or
more people,” he said, adding that it would “depend on who the people were.”
DeSantis said that the measures to restrict voting should be passed into law as
soon as possible. He warned, “We must stop the spread of democracy.”
Read More Satire from the Borowitz Report
Republicans say it is unconstitutional to hold officials accountable unless
they are Hillary Clinton.
Donald Trump regrets not naming Ivanka, Eric, and Don, Jr., to the Supreme
Court.
The White House dogs dig up some long-missing tax returns.
Scientists say that Earth is endangered by a new strain of fact-resistant
humans.
Queen Elizabeth II offers to restore British rule over the United States.
Get the Borowitz Report in your in-box. Sign up for the newsletter.
