"What if and Why?" By Lt. Sara Crusher A big bright full moon was making it’s way out from behind the desert mountain in front of Sara and the sun was retreating behind her. She shivered a little. The air was already starting to cool down. It wouldn’t be long until it was to cold to sit on her little rock on the little cliff were she had spent the past hour lost in her thoughts. She blamed herself for the mess on the station and there didn’t seem to be an end to the "If only" game she was playing in her head. If only she had just given Bashir the information he wanted, then she could have returned to the ship. If only she had just taken Heather and left. If only she hadn’t have shot her mouth off at Admiral Fatima. If only she hadn’t have screwed up yet again. Sabrina had tried to tell her that she hadn’t done any thing wrong. That she had been standing up for Heather and that the Captain would be proud of her, but Sara highly doubted that. Some how she didn’t think that calling a superior officer a twit was going to go over well with Morrigan, even if it is the truth. Sara chuckled a little as she thought about it. She could definitely see a trip to the ready room in her future. The night air caused Sara to shiver again and as the goose bumps started to tickle her skin she wrapped her arms around herself as she replayed the whole incident in her mind. Cyanah had told her not to let him intimidate her and she didn’t. She stood her ground and was making valid points. Until he ordered them all arrested and Sara felt the need to call him a twit. How could she have been so stupid? She had let her better judgement slip away and she lost all professional control of the situation. She had allowed an adult debate turn into a school yard shouting match. An older more experienced officer would have never allowed that to happen. Morrigan wouldn’t have lost it like that. She would have kept her cool while making her point. Her mother would have told him off in such a way that the fat little moron would have thought she was paying him a complement. But not Sara. Well at least for a moment she had stood her ground. She hadn’t let Fatima intimidate her. In fact she really didn’t care about Fatima. She actually wanted a second chance to make the pompous little man eat crow. What was bothering Sara the most was something she couldn’t make sense of. Why had it been so easy for her to stand up to Fatima who was an admiral, when a mere look from Captain Morrigan made her go weak in the knees. The only thing she could come up with was that she *didn’t* care what Fatima thought of her. He could think she was a spoiled little girl with no respect for power all he wanted to, it’s didn’t matter to her. However, Captain Morrigan was a totally different story. Sara cared a great deal about what she thought of her. But why? What was it that made what Morrigan thought of her matter? Why was she the only other person besides her mother and Cyanah she feared letting down the most? What made her so different then any other commanding officer she’d ever had? More questions she had no answers to and no clue how to go about finding them. She had wanted to chalk it up to Morrigan being her commanding officer but she really didn’t think it was that. After all Andros was also her commanding officer and although she respected him in that position, she really didn’t give a flip what he thought about her. No.. For some reason whatever this thing was with Morrigan, it was personal.