<USS Banshee> "The Distance"

  • From: "Brad Ruder" <GroundZero@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: ussbanshee@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Sun, 6 Oct 2002 11:31:13 -0700

?The Distance?
by Lieutenant Joshua Asper

The Cardassian freighter loomed on the forward viewscreen. Shogun fighters from the USS Banshee zoomed about their pattern ? Delta Two - and protected the Banshee. Oddly enough they were there for no apparent reason. Commander Andros had instructed the bridge crew that in no way, shape, or form was the Banshee to engage the Cardassians.

Even though the threat of a confrontation with the ever-volatile Cardassian was constantly in front of him, Josh Asper had to force himself to find another way to release his anger or just take his concentration away from wanting to launch a torpedo up the plasma exhaust cylinder and blow the damn freighter to high heaven. As much as he wanted to try and focus on the away team ? who had been ordered over to the bucket of bolts flying in front of him ? his mind continued to wander from his tasks onto more important subjects. The subject, or lack thereof, was Lieutenant Sara Crusher. His mind couldn?t pull itself from her.

?The sky has lost its color; the sun has turned to gray;
at least that?s how it feels to me whenever you?re away...?

His fingers would dance merrily about his controls. He was starting his standard diagnostics as he normally did, but he managed to not think about it. In other circumstances it may have been considered exemplary work to be able to control a station without having to think about it. In this instance, however, it was the problem. He wasn?t thinking about his work, he was thinking about Sara. He would gaze about the bridge and watch as the normal people continued about their tasks and he was sitting there thinking to himself; on the other hand, he had the advantage of having a somewhat clear head while engulfing himself in the menial tasks of trivial diagnostics.

?I crawl up in the corner; to watch the minutes pass;
Each one brings me closer to; the time you?re coming back...?

After his shift, which had progressed considerably longer than usual, he would mingle around Three Forward or just take a walk in the botanical gardens. Either locale seemed just as uninviting as the bridge. With the people in Three Forward, all of them, Josh would isolate one quality about them right off the bat. As the conversation progressed, and the topics got deeper and deeper, Josh would recognize what the quality was and compare it to that of Sara?s. Every person he talked to was like that; Sara was everywhere.

?I can?t take the distance; I can?t the miles;
I can?t take the time until I next see you smile.
I can?t take the distance; but I?m not ashamed;
that with every breath I take; I?m calling your name
I can?t take the distance...?

As he roamed silently between the metal-supported growing pods of the botanical bay, Josh could compare the flower?s physical appearance or attributes with that of Sara. He would continuously scold himself internally for doing such things, but he couldn?t help himself and he couldn?t alter his perception of the things around him ? well, without drugs. And with another location stuffed in his back pocket as reminding him of Sara, he would proceed to go to yet another destination that would prove just as useless.

?I still believe my feelings, but sometimes I feel too much.
I make believe you?re close to me, but it ain?t close enough.
Not nearly close enough...?

Josh reminded himself as he walked alone down the corridor. He would place his share of good-looking officers, but couldn?t pull himself to do anything but look and compare them to Sara. He began to see Sara as his eternal love; after all, he had been the first woman that he?d ever given his heart to. There was his fair share of potential lovers around; hell, if he wanted a one-night stand he wouldn?t have to go that far. Even though the opportunity was at hands reach, he couldn?t bring himself to take a step in that direction. Something told him, something inside, that it wasn?t right and that he would be cheating on Sara.

?I can?t take the distance; I can?t the miles
I can?t take the time until I next see you smile
I can?t take the distance; but I?m not ashamed
That with every breath I take I?m calling your name...?

Even in the holodeck adventure that he went on with Michael Burrows didn?t take his mind from Sara. Of course, the butt-head Ferengi Kark sort of slurred his thoughts. Josh obviously didn?t see Sara in him; then again, that hardly means that he should throw himself into the biggest city on Ferenginar. It just wasn?t right. As they went upstairs his mind still couldn?t focus on the women in their hot attire that would lure him in and do everything that he wanted it. He didn?t want them, though; he wanted nothing more than to be with Sara.

"I?d brave fire and I?d brave rain
To be your side, I?d do anything.
I can?t take the distance...?

Josh realized for the first time since this emotional rollercoaster ride started that it wasn?t her that had the problem ? and it sure as hell wasn?t Cyanah. He had initially blamed her, but it wasn?t her. He dove inside of himself, mentally, and searched his soul and he tried to explore his exact feelings towards Sara. All he found was a black void, one that could only be filled by Sara?s love. There wasn?t anything that Josh wouldn?t do to help Sara, nothing at all. If that were true, he was sure it was, but if it was why was he pressuring Sara? Why didn?t he just step back and let the thing with Cyanah play out? Josh cursed himself internally about his lack of compassion and logic.

?I will go the distance; I will go the miles;
that?s how much you mean to me...?

It hit him like a quantum torpedo. After all he had done to get Sara back, after all the things that he thought right had been said, after she had slapped him three or four times, he realized that all she wanted was for him to understand and help her deal with it. He was truly wrapped up in himself and his emotional chains restricted him from breaking free to think straight. Sara wanted him to give her some time, so he would give it to her.

??Cause I can?t take the distance, I can?t take these miles,
I can?t take the time until I next see you smile
I can?t take the distance, and I?m not ashamed
With every breath I take I?m calling your name...?

It was plain and simple. Let her feel things out for herself. It she was truly in love with him, and wanted anything further to do with him, Josh would wait and make sure that he was open if she wanted him back. He silently prayed that she would eventually come back to him; but, if she didn?t, he would be forced to move on with his life and there wasn?t any other option than that.

?I can?t take the distance.?

The distance between him and Sara was the thing that would literally eat a whole inside of his body. He couldn?t take the distance; but, at this time, there wasn?t anything thing that he could do. For now, he would have to deal with the distance.

"The Distance" was sung and composed by Evan and Jaren. This has been reproduced merely for the enjoyment and sentimental values of this log - any other use of this without proper premission is prohibited.

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