<USS Banshee> "The Distance"
- From: "Brad Ruder" <GroundZero@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: ussbanshee@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sun, 6 Oct 2002 11:26:49 -0700
?The Distance?
by Lieutenant
Joshua
Asper The Cardassian freighter
loomed on the
forward viewscreen. Shogun fighters from the USS
Banshee zoomed
about their pattern ? Delta Two ? and protected the
Banshee. Oddly
enough they were there for no apparent reason.
Commander Andros had
instructed the bridge crew that in no way,
shape, or form was the
Banshee to engage the
Cardassians.
Even though the threat of a
confrontation with
the ever-volatile Cardassian was constantly in
front of him, Josh
Asper had to force himself to find another way to
release his
anger or just take his concentration away from wanting to
launch a
torpedo up the plasma exhaust cylinder and blow the damn
freighter
to high heaven. As much as he wanted to try and focus on
the away
team ? who had been ordered over to the bucket of bolts
flying in
front of him ? his mind continued to wander from his tasks
onto
more important subjects. The subject, or lack thereof,
was
Lieutenant Sara Crusher. His mind couldn?t pull itself
from
her.
?The sky has lost its color; the sun
has
turned to gray;
at least that?s how it feels to me
whenever
you?re away...? His fingers would dance
merrily
about his controls. He was starting his standard
diagnostics as he
normally did, but he managed to not think about
it. In other
circumstances it may have been considered exemplary
work to be able
to control a station without having to think about
it. In this
instance, however, it was the problem. He wasn?t
thinking about his
work, he was thinking about Sara. He would
gaze about the bridge and
watch as the normal people continued
about their tasks and he was
sitting there thinking to himself; on
the other hand, he had the
advantage of having a somewhat clear
head while engulfing himself in
the menial tasks of trivial
diagnostics.
?I crawl
up in the corner; to
watch the minutes pass;
Each one brings me
closer to; the time
you?re coming back...?After his
shift, which had
progressed considerably longer than usual, he would
mingle around
Three Forward or just take a walk in the botanical
gardens.
Either locale seemed just as uninviting as the bridge.
With the
people in Three Forward, all of them, Josh would isolate
one
quality about them right off the bat. As the
conversation
progressed, and the topics got deeper and deeper,
Josh would
recognize what the quality was and compare it to that
of Sara?s.
Every person he talked to was like that; Sara
was
everywhere.
?I can?t take the distance; I
can?t
the miles;
I can?t take the time until I next see you
smile.
I
can?t take the distance; but I?m not ashamed;
that
with every
breath I take; I?m calling your name
I can?t take
the distance...?
As he roamed silently between
the metal-supported
growing pods of the botanical bay, Josh could
compare the flower?s
physical appearance or attributes with that
of Sara. He would
continuously scold himself internally for doing
such things, but he
couldn?t help himself and he couldn?t alter
his perception of the
things around him ? well, without drugs.
And with another location
stuffed in his back pocket as reminding
him of Sara, he would proceed
to go to yet another destination
that would prove just as
useless.
?I still
believe my feelings, but
sometimes I feel too much.
I make
believe you?re close to me, but
it ain?t close enough.
Not
nearly close enough...?
Josh reminded himself as
he walked alone down the
corridor. He would place his share of
good-looking officers, but
couldn?t pull himself to do anything
but look and compare them to
Sara. He began to see Sara as his
eternal love; after all, he had
been the first woman that he?d
ever given his heart to. There was
his fair share of potential
lovers around; hell, if he wanted a
one-night stand he wouldn?t
have to go that far. Even though the
opportunity was at hands
reach, he couldn?t bring himself to take a
step in that direction.
Something told him, something inside, that
it wasn?t right and
that he would be cheating on
Sara.
?I can?t
take the distance; I can?t the
miles
I can?t take the time
until I next see you smile
I can?t
take the distance; but I?m
not ashamed
That with every breath I
take I?m calling your
name...? Even in the holodeck
adventure that he
went on with Michael Burrows didn?t take his mind
from Sara. Of
course, the butt-head Ferengi Kark sort of slurred his
thoughts.
Josh obviously didn?t see Sara in him; then again, that
hardly
means that he should throw himself into the biggest city
on
Ferenginar. It just wasn?t right. As they went upstairs his
mind
still couldn?t focus on the women in their hot attire that
would lure
him in and do everything that he wanted it. He didn?t
want them,
though; he wanted nothing more than to be with Sara.
?I?d brave fire and I?d brave rain
To be
your
side, I?d do anything. I can?t take the
distance...?
Josh realized for the first time
since this
emotional rollercoaster ride started that it wasn?t her
that had the
problem ? and it sure as hell wasn?t Cyanah. He had
initially blamed
her, but it wasn?t her. He dove inside of
himself, mentally, and
searched his soul and he tried to explore
his exact feelings towards
Sara. All he found was a black void,
one that could only be filled
by Sara?s love. There wasn?t
anything that Josh wouldn?t do to help
Sara, nothing at all. If
that were true, he was sure it was, but if
it was why was he
pressuring Sara? Why didn?t he just step back and
let the thing
with Cyanah play out? Josh cursed himself internally
about his
lack of compassion and logic.
?I will go
the
distance; I will go the miles; that?s how much you mean to
me...?
It hit him like a quantum torpedo. After
all he had
done to get Sara back, after all the things that he
thought right had
been said, after she had slapped him three or
four times, he realized
that all she wanted was for him to
understand and help her deal with
it. He was truly wrapped up in
himself and his emotional chains
restricted him from breaking free
to think straight. Sara wanted him
to give her some time, so he
would give it to her.
??Cause I can?t take the
distance, I can?t take these miles,
I
can?t take the time until
I next see you smile
I can?t take the
distance, and I?m not
ashamed
With every breath I take I?m calling
your name...?
It was plain and simple. Let her feel
things out
for herself. It she was truly in love with him, and
wanted
anything further to do with him, Josh would wait and make
sure
that he was open if she wanted him back. He silently prayed
that she
would eventually come back to him; but, if she didn?t, he
would be
forced to move on with his life and there wasn?t any
other option
than that.
?I can?t take the
distance.?
The distance between him and Sara was
the thing that
would literally eat a whole inside of his body. He
couldn?t take the
distance; but, at this time, there wasn?t
anything thing that he
could do. For now, he would have to deal
with the distance.
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